6 Tips to Stop Yelling at Your Kids!

Are you a mom that yells? Do you want to stop yelling at your kids? Have you heard or said some of these popular opinions on yelling moms?

“I’m not a perfect mom. No one is”
“My kids won’t respond or obey unless I raise my voice.”
“Yelling is just a way I vent my anger. I’m not hurting my kids, just venting frustration.”

how to stop yelling at kids

Recently I have read more and more articles about moms who yell at their kids. One mom said,

“Yelling is the speaking voice in our house. It’s the only thing to get above the noise.”

Have you ever considered why it is so noisy in your home? Or why your kids don’t listen to you until you have repeated your directions at the top of your lungs — for the third time?

Kids do know how to listen and they do know how to obey–the first time they are told. However, they have learned from some parents that they do not have to obey until the third or fourth repeated command. Consider the typical scenario:

“Zach, put your shoes on it’s time to go to the store.”

You wait and your son just sits there playing with his toys.

“Zach, mommy said to put your shoes on. It’s time to leave.”

There is still no movement or acknowledgement of your command.

“ZACH! Get up RIGHT NOW and put your shoes on. We are leaving, NOW!”

Finally, your five-year old son responds and grudgingly puts his shoes on while your blood pressure rises and you shove your phone into your purse. Such pleasantries happen everyday, don’t they?

I implore you to consider that you are hurting your child when you yell. First of all, you are teaching him to ignore any authority in life unless commands are yelled. Your home is not a military base; your home is supposed to be a place of quietness, rest and security. Yelling only adds heightened tensions to the atmosphere. Second, you are exhibiting frustration and anger towards a child that needs an abundance of love and affection. Consider your facial expression and body language when you yell:

Are you gritting your teeth and clenching your fists?
Do you hit the table or throw an object?

Sounds silly, but I’ve seen it happen–more than once or twice. Face reality and admit that your yelling is not productive, but only destructive. There is a way to change your yelling fits into more calm commands and see obedience and happiness in your children as a result. Here’s the no-yell, no-fail plan.

no-yell.jpg

  • Don’t be a repeater. If you tell your kids to finish their food, be ready and willing to make them obey. Do not repeat the command. Simply punish them, and then repeat the command after the punishment. If you tell your child to clean his or her room before bed, do not repeat the command, simply punish him or her for disobeying and then repeat the command. Continue this process until the child has obeyed. Keep calm and do not raise your voice. Yes, it is hard work at first if your child is not use to obeying right away. Be ready for some conflict, but keep your cool. It will pay off! Before too long, your child will learn that you really mean what you say — without you yelling instructions!
  • Be consistent. Always follow through and make your kids obey a command. If you don’t feel like making them obey, it is better to not give them a command than to let your child disobey without consequence. But, the best decision it to be an offensive parent instead of a defensive one. Decide if you want well-mannered, respectful, hard-working, diligent, kind, delightful and obedient kid or if you want an unruly, lazy, obnoxious, dishonoring and self-absorbed child and work industriously to instill those desired attributes into your child.
  • Send yourself to your room. Do you feel your blood-pressure rising? Does the sight of scattered toys and unmade beds make your blood boil? Send yourself to your room and cool down for a few minutes. Don’t deal with stressful situations until you are calm. Then, decide the best method on cleaning up the mess, washing the marker off the wall or breaking up the sibling squabble. Each “adventure” that happens throughout the day needs to be addressed with a calm and collected parent.
  • Have accountability. Express your desire to yell less to a close friend, your spouse or a family member that is dependable and honest enough to encourage you to achieve this goal. Keep a chart or record of every time you raise your voice or yell and report to this accountability partner every few days. Seeing your faults on paper and having to verbally admit them to others does help you to stop committing them. You could even ask your spouse to say a code word when he sees you beginning to lose your temper. This code word helps to bring you back to reality and grasp the reins of your tongue before it’s too late.
  • Pray. If the art of juggling kids, cooking, cleaning, home-schooling, working, ministering and being a wife can sometimes make you feel burnt out, turn to your refuge and strength—the Lord Jesus Christ. Slip away from the chaos and beg God for wisdom and a calm temper. God can replace your stress, bad attitude and unkind tongue with a loving countenance and renewed spirit ready for the task at hand. Jesus said his yoke was easy and his burden was light. Whose burdens are your carrying? Have you put other things on you that God has not required? Get into God’s easy yoke and you can find strength to “get it all done”.
  • Consider the Word. The Bible teaches us in Proverbs 31 that the law of kindness is found in a virtuous woman’s tongue. Do you desire to be a woman God views as virtuous? Keep kindness in your tongue. Honestly, I don’t view a kind woman yelling at her kids. Yes, correct your kids. But correct them with the law of kindness.

Feel free to let us know how you are doing in your journey of becoming a non-yelling mom! Share any additional tips or ideas below that have worked for you!

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Comments

  1. says

    Alison, I really struggle with yelling at my kids. I’m not a yeller by nature, and I know how harmful it is. Thanks for these tips. I really need to work on being consistent and enforcing first time obedience. That is where I struggle most. I have improved a lot, but my daily prayer is to control my anger. Thanks for your post. It really resonated with me.

  2. Sharon says

    Alison, great and godly advice! Coming from the perspective of my kids all being grown, I know that yelling doesn’t work at all! It isn’t always easy to keep your cool while in the midst of a hectic and crazy day, but being consistent, loving and kind really pays off with your family! Thanks for the post!

  3. says

    Love this! I was just saying to my husband’s aunt that I hate being a yelling mom. I know the things you’ve listed above and we’ve implemented them but the past month or so we (the parents) have slacked and gone back to yelling parents. I don’t want to be a yelling parent.

    Thanks for the reminder!
    Blessings,
    Danielle

    ps – found you via Titus Tuesday link up!

  4. says

    I get really lax with the repeating commands thing….I do well, and then I see myself slipping. But my 4 year old really has better behavior when I stick with the ONE TIME command. They like consistency. Thanks for posting – I needed this reminder BADLY.
    Visiting from A Round Tuit.

  5. says

    Thank for another great post, I got some new tips and some reminders. I was never a yeller before kids, and I also thought I’d never be that mom….. The frase that struck me the most was ” I don’t view a kind woman yelling at her kids.” I consider myself kind and good person, but if I saw someone yelling at their kids I know what I would think. I’m definitely gonna try also the no-yelling calendar, especially for myself so I can be proud of myself and be motivated to keep my calm :) I’m really glad I found your blog, that reminds me to try harder and to be a better mom cause sometimes all we need is just a little push, a little inspiration.

    Take care,
    Marilyn

  6. Mel says

    Thank you for this. I grew up in a household of yellers, my grandparents are 90 and still yell at each other. Some days it seems so easy not to yell and other days it feels like the impossible task. Thank you for providing more assistance in my journey to eliminate yelling from my home.

  7. Kelli says

    Alison, I have just found your blog and I feel like I’ve struck gold! I love your ‘old fashioned’ advice and your determination to train your kids into becoming healthy, thriving adults. However, the part of this article that really hit me was ‘don’t be a repeater.’ I am guilty of this and after reading your article I see what a problem is has become. Still, it leaves me with a question, what form of punishment do you use for children who disobey before you repeat again? Thank you.

      • Sarah Damoff says

        Hi! Thank you for the wonderful wisdom. I had the same question as Kelli…would you mind sending that response to me as well? Thank you and bless you!

        • says

          I will try to get back to your shorty. I am dealing with a bad kidney infection right now and am just trying to get basics done. As soon as I can, I will send you two and Wendy the information you requested. It is on my top priority list, since parenting is such an important issue. I may even have it to you by today, I just don’t know. SO glad you are seeking help though. That was my first step in improving our home was asking older parents to help me out! I will try to help you out as well.

          • Jessie says

            I would also like to know, if you don’t mind. Thank You so much! We have to repeat ourselves several times, but I am just not that good at coming up with a punishment for it.

          • Ali Taylor says

            Id also reallylike your discipline tips. I grew up with a yelling mom and always said I wouldnt do that but I find myself yelling all day long with no results. I just read your post on narcissisticparents and literally started to cry. I had to pray before I even finished the article! I am so glad I found your blog! I love how you don’t sugarcoat the truth but still manage to say itin a Godly ave loving way. THANK YOU

          • Yolanda says

            Hi there, so what is the answer to the discipline question as I would like to practice the no yelling but what do I do for discipline. Banning them from TV does not help, taking away their phones does not help etc. so should I give them a smack?

      • says

        Update for you dear ladies:
        I am trying to finish an ebook that deals with these very issues. I started writing an email, but it did not seem right. I think that these issues are better dealt with in book form since I do not know each and every situation. It is difficult for me to find time to write a separate email to each one of you, so I thought this was the best recourse. I hope the time, prayer and thought put into this project will benefit you ladies greatly in your parenting journey!

        • Prisca says

          God bless you, Alison and use you more to minister to us moms. God is so good. I stumbled on your article on how to stop yelling on kids. I am really sick and tired of yelling to my children. YOur article was such a great help. I pray God to help me pratice those tips. Thank you.

          • says

            I am thankful God has given me this opportunity and I hope I can help in some way! So glad you enjoyed the article and thanks for taking the time to leave a sweet comment!

    • Erin says

      Great article. I would be interested in what forms of punishment you use as well. I am a nanny for a 2 year old and I think his parents are as lost as I am when it comes to him not listening. We all need to be on the same page because, as you know, it takes a village.

    • Sab says

      Thanks for the post. Just reading this now after a very busy and hectic month. After losing my cool today, I like one of your past commenters wonder what is an acceptable form of punishment after you have given a warning. I seem to tell my son multiple times to do something with no results. I only seem to be able to come up with no tv which further creates tantrums with my 5 year old. Any advice is very much appreciated.

  8. Ashley says

    I love this! I’m still at the training my toddler stage so there’s no temptation to yell yet. Great advice, I completely agree!

  9. Yvette says

    Dear Alison,
    I would be grateful to hear about possible punishments for 6, 10,12 years old. I’ve been yelling, hitting table etc, and coming back to conclusion that it doesn’t work. Tried to to motivate with point counting and then rewarding – works for 2 days. Have tried other tricks. Hopefully your advice can help?

  10. Jill Curry says

    I am so tired of yelling, but mostly tired of repeating myself, which leads to yelling. My boys are 7 & 9. I, too, would like advice on the punishment aspect. I want my house to be more peaceful, and, frankly, I would like my children to be more compliant. Thank you!

  11. kelly says

    I needed to read this! Very guilty of constantly repeating myself. I feel I am pretty consistent at following through once I decide on a consequence, but just doesn’t seem to be sticking with my defiant 4 year old. I would certainly appreciate additional punishment ideas!

  12. says

    Also was wondering what sort of punishments were acceptable. My girls have no currency. lol. I take away favorite toys, but they have so many, they are always able to survive without….

    • Sarah Kiefer says

      I have a rambunctious 3 (almost 4) year old boy and a (usually) sweet and observant 1 year old. I always thought my 3 year old didn’t listen because he was “all boy!” Nope, it looks like it’s my parenting skills. Please send me your punishment techniques. I don’t think time-outs are working anymore! Thank you. Hope you’re feeling well.
      -

  13. Tracy says

    This is great advice, would like to know what kind of punishment you would recommend though? I have a 6 yr old girl and 8 yr old boy. They are also constantly yelling at each other too. Wish I could solve that problem to :)

    • says

      Dear Tracy and the other moms out there that are dealing iwth discipline issues,

      Please do not think I am just shoving your comments aside. I have been praying about how to answer your specific questions. My hubby and I are working on a reply and will plan on getting some information to you soon. Sometimes it is hard to know exactly what to say to other moms online concerning this topic. It would be much easier if I could talk to all of you in person, but that is simply not possible. Please know I care about you readers and REALLY want to help, as I have been so blessed to have help and wisdom from others. Stay tuned and please know these comments are on the forefront of my mind concerning the blog at this time.

      Hoping to help,
      Alison

      • Cassie says

        Hi Allison,
        I realize this is a fairly old post, but it’s one I have saved and reread often as a reminder of the good habits I have/would like to establish. If you happen to have the time, I would love to receive an email (or link if you have addressed it in a post since this was first written) with your discipline tips. I have a 2 1/2 year old “spirited” son who minds well for his age, but I know I could benefit from hearing your methods. Thank you so much, I love your blog.

        • says

          Hi Cassie,
          I have been overwhelmed with requests on this issue, and it is a sensitive one. I truly desire to help every single person that writes, so this is what I came up with. This is a reply I am sending to the requests for now, and it is in the works.:) Also, you can check out secrets for successful discipline. You can find the link here: Secrets to Successful Discipline
          I am trying to finish an ebook that deals with these very issues. I started writing an email, but it did not seem right. I think that these issues are better dealt with in book form since I do not know each and every situation. It is difficult for me to find time to write a separate email to each one of you, so I thought this was the best recourse. I hope the time, prayer and thought put into this project will benefit you ladies greatly in your parenting journey!

  14. Laura says

    Thank you for this post on yelling mom’s, I know I am one. I am a single mom of a 12 yr old son, with no involvement from his father and some days it’s all I can do but yell to get his attention to do his chores, homework, or anything I need him to do. Would love to here any recommendations on the discipline you have used that has worked for your family.
    Sincerely,
    Laura
    Turtle.mome@yahoo.com

  15. Maggie Sorrentino says

    I too would love some no yelling discipline and punishments….. Having a real hard time… I know that there is a better way than what I’ve been doing. I wake up a good percentage of the time thinking, Jeeze, do I have to do this again today?…. I know the answer is NO, so other than prayer, I need to do the footwork… Maybe finding your blog is the answer to my prayers to start the footwork… Anxiously awaiting
    Maggie

  16. says

    Thanks so much for this blog. please pray as I am going to try to change my yelling ways to these sound advice. I grew up in a screaming home and now I fall to that myself. I absolutely hate it with a passion on who I have become. I feel I have never been taught the right way about things. so I am grateful this article and showing me ways to change these nasty habits to good ones.

    • says

      So glad you stopped by Amy! Adding you to my prayer list now. Even if we grow up in homes that didn’t teach us the principles we desire to have, God can help us attain unto those. You can become a yell-free mom and you have already taken the first step! Many moms see no problem with yelling and don’t desire to change. You are ahead in the yelling game. With God, all things are possible!

  17. says

    Thanks for a great post that I’m just finding! I, too , am curious on punishment ideas for my 4 year old. I hope you’ve recovered from your illness!

  18. Rebecca Greff says

    Love your post and agree with other comments as well. I would also like to know what punishment techniques you use s well. I have a 1 yr old boy and 3 yr old girl.

  19. Andrea says

    I pray nightly that the next day I will be the kind and loving mother that I know I can be but when morning comes around I feel like I’m the same evil woman I was the day before. I love my sons very much (2 & 4) but have become a yeller since my second came along. I cannot control my temper or angry outbursts, so how can I teach my boys to handle theirs? I feel like I’m failing at this parenting thing and am so afraid I will screw up my kids forever by my poor behavior. Any advice you could give would be appreciated as well as ideas on appropriate discipline for their ages. Thank you!

  20. Tiffany says

    I have found myself yelling at my son the past few weeks. He is 27 months and has a new baby sister 2 months. He is not happy about having to share his attention a d has began to act out. Time outs aren’t working and I’ve tried to explain to him calmly why is wrong but nothing is working. I was wondering what discipline you might use? I sometimes feel like he is too young to understand timeout. He actually seems to like it. Thanks for any insight. And thanks for writing this blog post!

  21. Angela says

    Thank you for this post! I have three children ages 6,3, & 2 and I find myself always having to yell to get them to listen to me! I ‘m naturally not a yeller and a pretty patient person, except when it comes to my kids!! Time outs do not work in my house. I’m interested is learning about ways of punishment as well.

  22. Jessica says

    Thank you for this post! I have realized lately that I need to find a better way of getting my 3 year old to obey then repeating until I yell. I’ve actually been fasting and praying to find something that works for us. I would love some advice on punishments especially since my husband was raised with spanking and thinks that is always the answer even though our daughter gets way too upset when we do. Thank you for putting your time and energy into helping us!

  23. Lauren says

    Thank you for this – a helpful reminder. One thing I would change is a simple word – punishment… I think it is more helpful to speak of discipline and reprimand rather than “punishment” – even if the form of discipline is a spanking. Punishment has quite a negative connotation…

  24. Alyssa says

    Hi There,
    I’m very interested to hear what kinds of consequences you have as well. I have recently concluded that I think I’m too iron fisted (I have 3 boys 4 and under) and in honesty, I don’t feel I can justify the huge amount of spankings that would happen with a instant obedience household. They are young and distracted, but to walk in quietly while they are playing and say, “boys, please get your shoes on” and then spank them one min. later…I’d be looking at spanking them 40 times a day

    • says

      Hi Alyssa,

      Hopefully this post might help you: Secrets to Successful Discipline
      Also, remember that discipline is not the only thing a child needs. Yes, you should deal with the disobedience immediately, every single time, but every single disobedience does not require a spanking. Sometimes other methods work as well. Just make sure that you are loving and encouraging your child constantly to balance the discipline and correction they receive. When they are toddlers and preschoolers, it seems we are constantly correcting. But correct in love, and never ever lose control. Try not to take their disobedience personally. Focus on helping them when you discipline them. That is the purpose of discipline, not to take our your frustration, but to guide them and mold tehm into a better person. I hope those tidbits helped!

  25. Leah says

    My Dad yelled so much while I was growing up and I felt I was unable to stop the yelling. I yell when I’m stressed or when I need something and everyone around me seems oblivious. I yell the most on Sunday when we get ready for church. I’m not usually mad-just stressed out. My dear husband hates yelling and is trying to help me overcome this. . I have a baby that nurses round the clock it seems. What do you think should be done when I need something done right away, but I’m nursing? Thanks♡

  26. Sharon says

    I am also very interested in your punishment suggestions. To make it challenging my son is diagnosed on the autism spectrum along with signs of adhd. I am one of those yelling moms that feels like the only way I can get through is when I become a screaming banshie! This is not the way I want to be! I am married but in all things I have to function as a single parent, my husband provides very little interaction, unless it suits him. So do you have any suggestions for me?

  27. Diana says

    Love your article it has a lot of helpful tips. I find myself yelling and getting really angry at times and I usually end up crying because I feel that I have no control. I am constantly finding myself having to ask my boys repeatedly to do stuff. Everyone tells me that I just need to spank them and well it doesn’t work and I don’t want to spank them. I would really like to know what discipline ideas you have though. My boys are 4 and 5 years old.

  28. Vanyna says

    That good! This article came to me at the right time, I will implement it, because I feel very frustrated and sad after yelling at my beautiful children. Thank you very much for sharing. Greetings from Argentina.

  29. Brin says

    I love this! I do have one question though, do you have an article on discipline? I definitely need to work on the one time command, but sometimes it’s hard to figure out what punishment should go with what action. Like when the kids don’t pick up their toys or they don’t get ready for school when instructed. It usually means we’re running late and I’m at my wits end. Any advice?

  30. Donna says

    I am just coming across this older post but I’m chomping at the bit to hear examples of discipline methods. I’ve read your (excellent) suggestions from several sources in seeking help for parenting my boys, but no one has laid out what that looks like practically. “Be consistent with discipline” is great! I would love to but I have no idea what appropriate discipline looks like. What exactly are some helpful methods? Could you add me to your email list when your ebook come out?

  31. says

    Excellent article! My parents were yellers and I know how that makes a child feel inside. So why did/do I tell at my own children? I say did AND do because I used to yell all the time. God has really helped me in that area but I still have times where I fall back into old habits. Thank you for reminding me to be consistent, that is the key!

  32. Cathy c says

    Thank you for this! I’m a single mom and am with my son 24/7 while I finish college I think I get overwhelmed sometimes but yelling is something I want to work on.

  33. Eric B. says

    Hm, there are some good tactics outlined here, but the bottom line is self-control. Only you decide when you yell. Don’t want to yell? Don’t. Just DON’T. Use some self control.

    Yes I have kids. No, I don’t yell.

  34. Lacee says

    So how do you punish them, that’s where I get stuck. If I don’t repeat what do I do if I say get your shoes on and he doesn’t?

  35. says

    Hello there. .. I just came across your blog page and was very curious for some insight ideas on positive ways of punishment for a three year old for not obeying the first time. . Thank you!

  36. Kassandra says

    I needed this tonight! Today was a rough day and I was a yeller. I don’t like to yell and I want to change that. Thank you for this article. I will try to keep ya updated. :)

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