Studying My Husband Has Helped My Marriage
It’s been 19 years since I married my husband.
And on that special day when I agreed to stay with my lover and companion, I also began to study my husband.
I study his body language on a daily basis.
I study his tone of voice on the phone.
I study the emojis he puts on his text messages.
I’m so glad you asked.
I am not exaggerating when I say our marriage has bloomed and grown so much deeper than our first few years.
It has become a wonderful reality that staying married has its perks.
Just this month my love dug even deeper than I thought possible for that amazing, bearded man with the blue-gray eyes.
I faced a difficult trial in my life that drove me to tears of frustration, and even lots of question about my future.
But you know what?
My husband was right there — encouraging me, holding me when he knew the tears may come and doing everything in his power to help our family keep going strong.
When I observed his selfless love to me this week through days of difficulties, my love and respect immediately soared to incredibly mushy heights.
I Study My Husband Because of Love
When I told him how much my love had grown this past month, he had the cutest response.
“Ditto,” is the message he wrote me on Facebook.
Yes, I know it’s pitiful that we message each other in the same house, but it’s much easier than running up and down the stairs — wink, wink!
I began to think why would this man love me so much?
Why would his love be growing for me?
I’m sure he chooses to love me because he knows it is what God commands him to do.
But, on the other hand, I don’t think he is obeying God’s command reluctantly — but rather enjoys loving me.
Studying My Husband Ignites Respect and Love
Since my husband and I were married 19 years ago I have made notes of the little things he loves.
- He loves to snack on GoldFish Original Crackers.
- He doesn’t want to plan any vacation details…he’ll just show up on the day, drive and enjoy the vacation.
- He prefers iced cappuccinos over almost any other coffee.
- He loves a quiet house.
- He’ll skip the dessert table and head to the comfort food every time.
- He wants the edges of fitted sheets completely on the bed and pulled super tight.
- He doesn’t like the no shoes in the house rule.
- He wants to know exactly what we’re buying and how much it is before we go to the store.
- He likes to sleep on a semi-flat pillow
- He can’t stand the smell of cigarette smoke.
- He thinks his Grandma’s cornbread is the best on the planet.
And that’s just the beginning of my list!
My Husband Notices that I Study Him
Taking the time to study my husband did not go unnoticed.
He noticed me trying to woo him.
He noticed me trying to speak his love language.
He noticed me sacrificing the last mozzarella cheese stick at the restaurant…;0)
In fact, it made him love me even more.
And honestly, it’s easy to love someone who desires to please you, isn’t it?
I know some women are angered that I study my husband, but really — it is my choice.
I choose to study him because I love him and I want to please him in every way I can.
I Choose to Study My Husband
If I know he likes a certain color on me, I wear it.
If I know he loves homemade french fries at night with cheddar cheese on top, I just might surprise him with a small plate at 9 pm.
It’s the little acts of kindness that help a marriage thrive!
Have you ever thought of studying your husband?
It’s really fun — and it helps you connect with him on a deeper level.
I feel like I understand him better when I make mental notes of his likes and dislikes.
And, I think our entire family gains much happiness when I know what makes my husband tick.
I can predict if he wants quiet, or wants to go out for a date, or wants an extra snack.
Studying My Husband Helps Our Entire Family
It’s almost super-weird now how much we understand each other.
So weird, that we finish each other sentences…
All. The. Time.
Other times we just give each other one look and we’ve clearly communicated .
Yes, there are definite perks to studying your husband!
What about you? Do you think you’re a good student of your husband?
Do You Study Your Husband?
Let’s find out!
Answer the questions below to see if you need to brush up on your husbandology or not!
Totally made up that term, but it should be a well-used term…ha!
But before you begin, I want to tell you about a 10 Day, Completely FREE Marriage Fix course that will be delivered straight to your inbox!
It’s ten days of marriage changing, love-igniting encouragement that is candid, honest and heart-felt.
I want to see your family enjoy a strong, powerful, close-knit and passionate marriage.
Give me ten days to give you the best marriage help we have available.
And you can reply to any and every email with any questions or suggestions!
How to Study Your Husband
Find out the answers to these questions. Ask your husband or try to be a super-secret spy and find out the answers through simple observation. :)
Are you ready?
- What’s your husband’s favorite dessert?
- What is his favorite drink?
- Right now, if someone gave him $1,000, what would he buy?
- What’s his favorite hobby?
- What specific area in his life does he desire the most prayer?
- When he comes home from work, what pleases him more: a meticulously clean home, a delicious homemade meal or a quiet and calm atmosphere?
- Is your husband a steady guy, a visionary guy or a commanding, domineering guy?
- What outfit does your husband love to see on you the most?
- What perfume or lotion does your husband like you to wear?
- How much time does your husband want with you on a daily basis?
- What does the perfect vacation look like to your husband?
How many questions could you answer?
If you take time to study your husband, you will learn how he ticks, and you can create beautiful music together — instead of screeching and inharmonious tones.
Let me share a quick story with you.
Several years ago our family was traveling across America.
As we traveled, I started surfing radio stations, hoping to find a channel acceptable for our listening enjoyment.
Within minutes, I heard two women cheerfully discussing kids and marriage.
It’s Smart to Study Your Husband!
The lady being interviewed said something like this:
“My husband’s main concern is that our house is clean and the kids are happy. He could care less if he ate a peanut butter and jelly sandwich for dinner, as long as the house was clean. So, I learned to make a clean house and happy kids a priority over mouth-watering meals.”
She continued to encourage the women.
“For a happier marriage, I think most women will find that they need to be a good student of their husband. Take notes when he compliments the house, your appearance or certain dishes.”
Not Every Husband is the Same
These statements revived me during that time, as I had four small kids and lived on the road with my family.
I needed some fresh, inspiring ideas for my marriage, and in those few comments and suggestions I found them.
I learned that some things are not super important to my husband, but other things, like home-schooling, are on his “top ten” priorities list.
Now, if you choose to study your husband, just prepare for backlash — and lots of it.
Studying Your Husband is Not Popular
Most people today believe that life should revolve around women — really.
It’s all about “empowering women.”
But, let’s be honest.
If I told you my husband made notes of what I loved, liked and disliked you would think that was super-sweet and admirable, wouldn’t you?
So why not see the beauty in a wife who studies her husband?
You see the inconsistency here?
Why is it romantic when a husband does thoughtful things and is consumed with pleasing his wife, but a woman is becoming a mindless doormat when she desires to be a good student of her husband?
It truly baffles me the silly notions and lies the pervade homes and families today.
Keep your marriage alive and well by taking care to remember things that are important to your husband.
You and him will reap a deep and loving relationship if you choose to learn, study and truly know each other.
You’re on this journey of life together!
Want to Study Your Husband Even More?
Read my book How to Love Your No Good, Very Bad Husband here.
It’s making impacts on marriage worldwide!
May it be an encouragement to your marriage journey!