Experiencing Marriage Problems? Everyone Does.
But not everyone gets good marriage advice.
Throughout the past 19 years of my marriage, I’ve had many women come to me with their marriage struggles.
I listen, pray and wait.
I may not have all the answers my friend, family member or acquaintance needs, but I try to guide then on a path that will lead them to a solution.
Most of the time the women relay their marriage problems like this:
My marriage needs help. My husband doesn’t discipline the kids at all. He lets them scream, throw fits and just sits in front of the TV.
I don’t know what to do anymore. I don’t believe in divorce, but how can I go on living with this man? He is always angry, stressed and never seems to be happy. I don’t want my kids to live like this!
Every woman sharing their struggling with me is discouraged.
They feel defeated.
They’ve taken the risk in confiding in someone else that their family is not as happy as they’re Instagram feed says they are.
They all share a commonality.
Before we dig into that commonality, let me add a teeny tiny disclosure.
There are some women who are married to men who are slimier than last month’s leftovers. We’re talking repeat affairs, continued draining of finances, daily physical abuse and more.
And those women?
They need help, safety, and shelter.
But most wives who write to me are not facing all of those factors.
Maybe their husband has looked at pornography a few times (and that is wrong and painful for a wife to endure.)
Maybe their husband has been lazy and not worked diligently to provide for his family.
I get it.
If you want to have a better marriage.
A marriage that few people in your neighborhood, city or town have…
A marriage your kids can be proud of…
Then you have to leave off the commonality that is most married women share.
Ready for it?
We often look at all… one, two, 457, 689, 3467…faults of our husbands and store them in a special compartment in our brain and heart.
We keep it there for years and bring every mistake he’s ever made into remembrance when the time is right.
When we want to win an argument.
When we’re hurt because he looked sideways at another woman.
When we’re fuming because he gave us a shameful look for spending $89 on a purse we really wanted when we know he spent $85 on a video game the other week.
It’s nothing new.
It’s been happening for generations and you’re not the first wife to feel defeated in her marriage.
Marriage Problems are Real. But so Are Marriage Solutions.
But dear wife, you have a super power.
It’s a gift that God gives every person He created.
And He gave it to you to use in your marriage.
And if you’re a Christian, you know of this superpower much better than others.
Because you’ve learned a little bit of how powerful this superpower is from the very One who gave it to you. <3
Do want to see your husband change?
While there is no 100% satisfaction guarantee…I can give you hope that this solution is powerful.
This solution is more powerful than death.
And this solution can break the coldest of hearts.
It’s love, dear wife.
Not ooey-gooey, flighty, moment-to-moment love.
But love that will hold your hair when your puking at the toilet.
Love that will empty their bank account for you.
Love that will clear their work and life schedule for you.
Love that will put your needs first.
And that is the love you need to show your husband.
Love Will Help Solve Your Marriage Problems
Are you familiar with the ten commandments?
If not, you can read them here.
Of those ten, Jesus pointed out which was the second most important commandment.
Know which one it was?
Loving your neighbor as yourself.
As modern-day wives who are incredibly busy, I wonder…
Do we really love our husbands as much as we love ourselves?
I ask myself this question often.
Am I focused on Adam’s (my husband) needs, wants and desires?
Let’s talk real life here…
Many times I want to crawl into bed at 9:30 p.m., but my husband enjoys me staying up later so we can go to sleep at the same time.
If my body truly needs the extra rest, I try to give him my undivided attention earlier…
For example, I will plan a “party” for the kids from 6-8 PM in the other room so I can get to bed around 9 or 9:30.
But, if I’m feeling well enough, then I’ll try to stay up a little later and enjoy some kid -ree time with my husband. :)
It’s about balance, and we both try to be understanding of each other in this area.
But I also try to be sensitive to his desires. <3
But many married women ask me the following questions:
But why should I focus on pleasing my husband?
Why should we do everything he wants to do?
I don’t feel like he loves me like he should!
You may be right.
Maybe your husband doesn’t show his love as he should, or maybe he is caught up with other things and you are not a priority in his life.
However, you can’t make him obey God’s commandments and you are not responsible for him.
But…you ARE responsible for yourself.
God tells us in Romans 14 that we will all give an account of OURSELVES before God one day.
You will give an account of your life.
Your husband will give an account of his life.
But, let me let you in on a little secret, ok?
Many, many, MANY times when wives turn their hearts towards their husbands, their husbands become more loving, kind and thoughtful.
But, I didn’t say perfect.
No one will ever be perfect.
Please, avoid the trap of expecting your husband to be one of those sappy romantic guys in romance novels or Hallmark movies.
It’s just not going to happen.
However, there is a VERY high probability that your husband will start treating you more tenderly, giving you small gifts, thinking of kind things to do for you and wanting to spend more time with you if you change your heart towards him.
Marriage is a crucial part of parenting.
If you want to be the best mom ever to your kids, live out your teachings to them through your marriage.
Practice selflessness, servant-hood, kindness, forgiveness, and love in your marriage.
You WILL only reap good benefits.
Here are some Bible truths that remind me how to show love in my marriage:
A soft answer turneth away wrath.
And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.
Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.
Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.
I know the advice gave is not popular.
But it truly works.
Because the foundation is love.
Ask the woman who “doesn’t let her husband run over her” if she is truly happy.
Most likely you won’t have to ask.
ou can see it in her eyes when she looks at her husband in disgust.
You can tell by the small amount of time they spend together.
You can tell by the constant nagging and eye-rolling coming from her direction when her husband is telling a joke or saying something with which she disagrees.
No one has to announce that the marriage is not up to par these days.
My marriage isn’t perfect, but it’s definitely good.
I hope that in the years to come I continue seeking to become a better wife.
But the only way to do that is to love God first, and my neighbor second.
And who is my closest neighbor of all?
My husband, my spouse.
Ladies, I write this post to you in love and with many prayers.
May God encourage you in your marriage today!
I know this marriage thing is tough, but it’s worth fighting for!
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