Your Marriage Needs These Boundaries!
Several weeks after our marriage began, my husband and I decided we needed to set boundaries to protect our marriage.
We decided when it came to marriage, we should view it circumspectly.
Because it is something we cherish.
It is something that is special to us.
It is something we both deem worth fighting for.
My husband and I do a lot of traveling, I mean a lot of traveling.
We travel all over America to visit churches and unfortunately I notice many couples don’t stick to basic boundaries in order to protect their marriages.
Several instances remain vivid in my memory.
One instance involved a married man leaning over and whispering in someone else’s wife’s ear — for several minutes.
How did she respond?
She leaned in, listened and giggled.
Red flags automatically went off in my mind.
Does Your Marriage Need These Boundaries?
Another instance is when I saw a man squeeze and hug another woman super-tight and longer than normal.
This wasn’t a quick, greeting or good-bye hug.
This was a slow, big squeeze, chest-to-chest hug.
Both were married to other people.
That was definitely over the line.
Why are Boundaries in Marriage So Important?
We should never, ever trust our flesh.
There are many people whom we view as good and upstanding citizens that have fallen into the trap of adultery.
People I looked up to and considered spiritual heroes.
People with families they loved.
People with kids, a ministry and a business at stake.
Church-going people who never planned on creating a mess with their lives and ripping apart families.
They never, ever thought they would be the unfaithful spouse…
With a broken heart, I attest that their marriage is in turmoil because they opened themselves up to an opportunity in which they could be unfaithful to their spouse.
Boundaries in Your Marriage Are Necessary
Those spouses let down their guard or chose to avoid placing boundaries in their marriage.
If marriage is paramount over all things, excepting God, then I encourage you to set boundaries for your marriage now.
Not next week.
Choose to have a strategic plan to keep your marriage together before temptation strikes and catches you unaware.
What’s the Best Plan for Your Marriage?
A Biblical one.
My husband and I sat down and discussed why we should make boundaries and which ones we should make according to God’s word.
We knew and trusted that God would guide us in our marriage journey, and that God chooses to do that through the Bible.
Studying verses concerning marriage, fornication, adultery, husbands, wives, strange and virtuous women gives us an overall view of what it takes to make a marriage work.
And because we’re passionate about marriage, we want to invite you to join our 10 DAY marriage fix course!
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Here are the boundaries my husband and I came up with to safeguard our marriage.
I hope it will help you think, consider and protect!
Five Boundaries You Need to Protect Your Marriage
Marriage Boundary #1: Avoid being Alone
As much as possible, try to avoid being alone with people of the opposite gender.
This isn’t always possible, but when it is, try to make it a priority.
My husband has to meet with women often since he is a pastor/missionary.
If I am unable to visit with him, he takes one of our children or someone in the church.
Think of some ways in which you can handle situations discreetly and still keep your marriage top priority.
With a little bit of planning, you can make most situations work out so your marriage is protected.
Marriage Boundary #2: Keep Communication Public
When communicating with people of the opposite gender, try to keep messages, emails, and texts public or easily accessible.
For our marriage, we make sure that our passwords to everything is easily accessible.
We have an “open door” policy with our devices and never keep communication with others a secret.
Expect for a surprise party or present…ha!
Years ago we decided that, communication with people of the opposite gender should be open and never secret.
And this one little boundary has protected our marriage for over 20 years!
Marriage Boundary #3:Keep a Reasonable Distance
If I am chatting with another man besides my husband, I make sure there is plenty of distance between us.
I also ensure we’re chatting in a public setting.
Though most of my conversations are with women, sometimes I have to discuss a small matter with a man.
I purposely keep the conversation quick, polite, and make sure that we are not in each other’s personal space.
I appreciate it when I see other women speak to my husband with the same boundaries.
Marriage Boundary #4: Keep Eyes On Each Other
We stay away from well-populated beaches.
Because there are too many bodies there to draw our eyes away from each other.
Don’t get me wrong, we love going to the beach as a family, so we choose the less popular times to travel…plus we save money this way! :)
When we’re staying in a hotel, we check out the pool area before getting in as well as try to go swimming during less popular times.
We want to focus our eyes on each other’s outward appearances and enjoy one another.
We don’t want to give an opportunity for either one of us to focus on someone else’s body.
Honestly, I have been ashamed and angered when married women have take pictures of other men, shared the pictures on social media and added the hashtag #eyecandy or #hottie.
Other women went to male stripper movies and bragged about it on social media.
Still, others talk and dream about other male celebrities.
(In super sarcastic voice): I am sure that makes husbands feel special, loved, and desired.
When we said our marriage vows, most of us promised to be true to our spouses.
Daydreaming or thinking about other men’s or women’s bodies does NOT help us stay true to our husbands or wives in our marriage.
Let’s keep our minds and our intimate desires geared towards our husbands and them alone.
It’s not just men that commit adultery!
Marriage Boundary #5 :Include Your Spouse.
If you are engaged in a conversation with the opposite gender, keep the doors open for your spouse to jump in.
It’s safest when involved with conversations with people of the opposite gender to include your spouse.
Sometimes I say, “Hmmm…that’s a good question, why don’t you ask my husband?”
A few years ago one of my husband’s friends kept messaging me on Facebook.
I thought this was odd…why didn’t he just write my husband?
After a while I just ignored him.
Where is that man today?
He’s divorced and remarried a woman just a few years younger than me.
While I don’t know if he had impure intentions at the time, I’m glad I made the not-so-Southern-hospitality choice and ignored his messages.
He was my husband’s friend and anything he wanted to know about our family he could have easily asked my husband.
These Boundaries Have Protected Our Marriage
Shortly after my husband and I were married, my husband and I were in different areas outside a busy section of town and a guy from high school recognized me.
He approached me, said hello and then gave me a look over.
He then proceeded to tell me that I looked “good.”
I guess he didn’t notice the ring on my finger because I was still very young for a married woman.
I kindly smiled and mentioned I was here with my husband and pointed him out across the street.
He nodded and walked away.
BONUS Marriage Boundary #6: Keep Your Eyes UP
During conversations with people of the opposite gender, my husband and I both practice keeping our eyes on someone’s face.
We don’t let our eyes linger anywhere else and just focus on the topic of the conversation.
We recently asked another pastor how he ministered to women while protecting his marriage.
And he mentioned this same tip!
Boundaries Aren’t Extreme, They’re Simple Safeguards
When you promised to stay faithful and true to your spouse, you may not have realized what a dark and dirty world it is out there.
I know, I didn’t.
But, you have to fight to keep your promise.
It’s not as easy as saying “I do” or “I will.”
You have to make plans, strategies and boundaries.
You have to spend time investing in your marriage as well as spicing it up too!
Above all else, you have to have faith and trust in God to help you be the best husband/wife your spouse could have.
Consider Creating Marriage Boundaries
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