Not a Perfect Wife, but a Better Wife
A few years ago I realized I could never be a perfect wife. I’ve made some of these common marriage mistakes and I’ve definitely had to apologize….more than a hundred times!
But I still want to be a better wife…
Just like I want to be a better mom..
Those are probably two of my biggest goals in this life because family is so incredibly important.
During our marriage journey (Going on 19 years!) we’ve been through some crazy obstacles.
- Four miscarriages…
- A smaller than small income…
- Moving to a foreign country…
- Raising six human beings…
- Homeschooling those same six, little people…
- Moving homes at least 12 times…
- Facing chronic health issues…
But, during those difficult times, if we were close….
If we were living in harmony…
Then the troubles hammered us with a much softer blow.
Our love for each other brought us happiness in the midst of sorrow.
Hope in the midst of despair.
And strength in the midst of weakness.
Because of that, I have to fight not give into my bad habits that can damage my marriage.
That’s Why I Made This “Better Wife” List
They’re just little things…
Because it’s the daily, little things that add up.
Whether it’s your health, mom or marriage journey…the little things often become the big things.
Let’s see your marriage transform for the better with these little marriage tips that will help you be the wife your husband dreams of…
Not a perfect wife, but a better wife.
And just a side note…I know that the state your marriage is not completely up to you.
If you’re in an abusive marriage, I truly hope you’ll find safety and comfort.
There are times when men choose to follow sinful paths and sinful behaviors, and they have been given a wonderful, kind and beautiful wife. If you’re struggling because your marriage is crumbling due to your husband’s love of sinful behavior, please know you can email me and we can pray about this together. I am not judging you because of your marriage troubles. Sending you hugs and support!
5 Little Ways to Be a Better Wife
Stop competing in your marriage.
I’m hesitant to begin with a negative word, but it will truly shock your marriage into a spark-worthy relationship if you just stop competing with each other.
Sure, it’s fun to compete in a board game or sports competition, but marriage?
Competition can be lethal.
- Stop competing about who works more diligently.
- Stop competing about who has been the most faithful.
- Stop competing about who invests most in the kids.
- Stop competing about who is the most thoughtful or most romantic.
- Stop competing about who is the best listener.
- Stop competing about who is the most tidy.
- Stop competing about who is the most moral.
- Stop competing about ________.
Whatever ignites your marital arguments where the root lies in a competitive spirit, avoid trying to be the winner. Wanting to always win is aways damaging in a marriage.
And do you know where the desire to win comes from?
It comes from a deep, dark place in our hearts that is filled with pride.
In fact, pride disguises itself so cunningly that we can be completely oblivious that we harbor it on a daily and even hourly basis.
I try to repeat to myself this verse when I feel the competitive spirit building in me. “He must increase and I must decrease.” It’s found in John 3:30.
If I keep trying to “decrease” it’s much easier to let my husband “win” when it comes to being smarter, more talented, a better budgeter and a better driver.
Whatever you tend to be competitive about, let it go today. In the end, it doesn’t matter anyway, but your competitive spirit could drain the tender love and care from your marriage — conversation by conversation, look by look. So today, focusing on “decreasing” and see how your marriage sparks!
Look for the Good in Your Husband
Underneath the grumpy, sometimes crude exterior of your husband, lies a man with some admirable characteristics.
If you don’t notice them immediately, devote time to dig and observe.
Some traits to look for:
- Does he lock up the doors of your home at night?
- Does he often play with the kids?
- Does he get out of bed and go to work?
- Does he love you even when your hair is a mess?
- Was he there when your children were born?
- Is he happy with just a normal life with the kids and you?
Yeah, he’s got some pretty awesome traits.
Stop letting the little things get to you — dirty clothes on the floor, being tardy to dinner or even neglecting to be thoughtful.
Did you know that 85% of the wives that write me about leaving their husband desire to leave them over issues like this?
Don’t let his faults be your focus.
You can pick up the dirty clothes, adjust your dinner plans and pray about his thoughtfulness…
He’s human. You’re human.
Learn to love and look for the good!
Now go daydream about all the good traits of your husband!
Make Time for Your Husband
Life is always hustle and bustle, right?
Press pause for at least an hour daily and spend time with your husband
.Eat dinner together, chat together, pray together or enjoy a cup of coffee.
It doesn’t have to be elaborate or expensive, just simply spend at least one hour daily communicating.
And be super careful about this topic!
You never want to force your spouse to spend an hour together.
Instead, ask your spouse if you can devote at least an hour per day reconnecting.
And don’t abuse this time as an unloading hour in which you spill all the negative aspects of your day.
Don’t focus on demanding your spouse to meet some of your desires and wants.
Just relax and show your spouse you truly cherish your time together.
It’s the little things that create a happy, spark-filled marriage!
Include Your Husband.
Too many times we separate work, friends and sometimes extended family from our husband.
We don’t purposely do this, but it becomes natural when we assume our husband isn’t interested in those aspects of our personal life.
Instead of never discussing friends or co-workers with your spouse, fill your spouse in on the latest happenings. Invite your spouse to work dinners or activities.
Involve your spouse in every way possible!
Going to visit your mom or cousin? Invite your spouse to come with you.
It truly helps when we stop looking at our spouse’s friends, family, work and interests as “his family” or “her work.”
Becoming one means a man and woman combine everything — money, families, interests and even work.
My husband is interested in learning Hebrew.
That seems totally nerdy to me, but I listen when he is excited about a new Hebrew word and how it relates to the English language.
My husband’s family is no longer considered “his family” in my eyes.
I love his sisters, grandmother and mom. I truly count them as my family.
My husband hates shopping, but he will tag along with me when I have a big shopping trip planned.
He knows I love finding good deals and meeting the needs and wants of my family. I don’t forget that he makes a personal decision to be a part of something I enjoy.
These simple inclusions have greatly helped strengthen our marriage!
How can you include your husband in your life?
Jot down specific areas of your life where you can include your spouse more and start today!
Date Your Husband Often!
Dates don’t have to be expensive (we’ve got some super-cheap, date night ideas you’ll love here!), but they need to be a weekly or monthly part of a healthy marriage.
I know it’s difficult to find a baby-sitter you can afford or trust, but your marriage still needs to be overflowing with fun and spontaneous dates!
If you can’t manage to find a baby-sitter, then definitely consider planning stay-at-home dates.
Our family has spent the last eight years overseas and away from family. We had to come up with some creative ideas to plan exciting stay-at-home dates.
One night I planned a pizza and movie night for my kids. I had a movie, pizza and drinks all set out for my kids. They were to stay in their rooms for the pizza party and then head to bed. I would come out at bedtime to check on them and clean up the pizza party.
That only took about 15 minutes.
My husband and I enjoyed a four hour date that was uninterrupted.
Ah, it was a luxury!
We ordered take-out from a few favorite restaurants and watched a movie. It was incredibly fun! We’ve done super simple dates like just drinking hot cocoa after the kids were asleep and chatting about the day.
If you’re lucky enough to be able to invest in a baby-sitter you trust, then do it!
Dates don’t have be extravagant or expensive. Walks in the park are free. Walks on the beach are free. There are dollar menus at fast food places and cheap coffees at gas stations. You can find awesome coupons online for restaurants and entertainment.
Investing time and money into dating your spouse is one of the quickest ways to fix and add sparks to your marriage!
Plan a date for this weekend — a stay-at-home date or an out-of-home date. Either way, just make time for it!
Want to Give Your Marriage a LOVE Boost?
Grab this printable set full of LOVE Boost ideas and read more Love Boost ideas here!