Why We Teach Our Kids “No Kissing” Before Marriage

This is Why Kissing Before Marriage Isn’t Allowed in Our Family

Have you ever heard of parents that teach their kids to save their first kiss for their wedding day?

Yep, we are THAT family.

Before you run away, hear me out.

Why we teach our kids no kissing before marriage...definitely something for parents of kids and teens to think about! #pintsizedtreasures #raisingteens #raisingkids #parentingtips #parenting #mommyblog #momblog

I have my reasons for this, and you may want to give them a few minutes of your time.

After all, you’ll have to face the kissing, dating and courting issue as a parent sooner than later in your parenting journey.

Why We Teach Our Kids to Save Their First Kiss for Their Wedding Day

In my parent’s home there were no rules against dating and kissing.

Once I turned 16 I was allowed to date and had an 11:00 p.m. curfew.

Many times I remember my family asking me as I returned home from a date, “So…did you kiss?”

first kiss saved for wedding day

My mother taught me some specifics and always warned me about intimacy outside of marriage — it was simply out of the question.

But, kissing?

That was OK as long as you didn’t take it too far.

Should Kids Be Allowed to Kiss Before Marriage?

My husband was raised with a similar parenting style, except even more lenient.

However, my views on physical relationships before marriage changed when I met one special guy.

This guy loved God and sought to follow him supremely.

It was extremely evident.

I admired his testimony and walk with God from afar.

After a super-sweet love story bloomed, we officially entered “boyfriend/girlfriend” status.

I was honored to be “his girl.”

He taught me so many things.

Through his life and through his words, he was a Christian I knew I could pattern my life after.

But, you know what?

One day he said the weirdest thing on earth.

Brace yourself, it’s super-weird.

“Alison, I believe God does not want us to kiss until we are married.”


I was shocked.

He Told Me We Were Not Kissing Before Our Wedding Day

I had never heard of such a thing.

When I told my friends, they were doubly shocked…especially since the guidelines were coming from a teenage guy.

no kissing before marriage

Why would my boyfriend, who soon became my husband, say such a thing?

Because he desired to flee fornication.

He desired to run away from temptation to sin.

He was a super-wise guy because he was simply following what I Corinthians 6:18 taught: “Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body; but he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body.”

And you know what?

That just made me love him more.

To know that this guy was setting standards for our relationship higher than most simply because he wanted to keep his heart pure before God was beyond impressive.

By the way, he’s still that way today.

He takes the high road, and our family has benefited much from his integrity.

Should Teens Kiss Before Marriage?

Did you know there is another passage in the Bible that says it is a “good thing for a man not to touch a woman.” Check it out in I Corinthians 7:1. So, choosing not to kiss before marriage isn’t weird, backward or strange…it is a “good thing.”

I remember family members teasing us about our relationship standards.

One of them looked at me and said, “How are you going to know he’s a good kisser unless you kiss him before you get married?”

If you choose safe standards, you are bound to hear backlash and criticism from friends and relatives.

But remember… your decision to be careful is a “good thing.”

My husband and I have been married for 18 years and I cannot tell you how thankful I am that we were both pure when we said “I do.”

We did not have to bring baggage into our marriage because we chose to be careful in our dating relationship and saved our kisses and intimacy for marriage.

Now that we have children of our own, we are teaching them that same principle.

We want them to enjoy healthy relationships that focus on drawing closer together emotionally and spiritually before they enjoy the physical part of their relationship that is reserved only for marriage.

Though kissing someone is not in itself intimacy, it is a small piece of the intimacy puzzle.

It’s like an appetizer to your seven course meal.

To begin the meal, you have to start somewhere, and kissing is the perfect appetizer.

When the Bible says, “flee fornication” we should listen and take heed.

God also tells us to “Flee youthful lusts.”

That’s a good one to think about too!

Choosing to engage in kissing is not fleeing or running away — it’s inching closer and closer to the boundary line.

Consider setting boundaries for your children when they begin their courting/dating relationships.

Sure, it may not be the popular route, but it’s the safe route that will enable them to give a pure, untarnished gift to their spouse one day and enjoy intimacy in God’s perfect way — marriage.

By the way, if you are already married, keep kissing and don’t stop!

Stay attached at the lips — wink, wink!

What are your thoughts on kissing before marriage? Have you ever considered this side of the issue?

Let me know in the comments! I am always open to discussion!

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27 thoughts on “Why We Teach Our Kids “No Kissing” Before Marriage”

  1. It sounds like we have similar backgrounds when it comes to kissing and dating. Like you, I’d never even heard of NOT doing those things…as long as it wasn’t taken “too far”. My husband and I kissed once we knew we were going to get married, but we’ve encouraged our children to consider a different approach. Our older “children” are now ages 16-20 (1 son and 3 daughters) and they’ve embraced this idea for themselves—for the same reasons you mention above. So glad you brought this up!

  2. This is great! My husband and I agreed to teach our boys this principle after hearing about it on a radio program. He heard it and shared it with me – immediately God moved on our hearts to teach this to our boys. Although we were NOT taught this when we were younger I know that it is Gods desire. We have encountered a lot of flak and a lot of naysaying but I refuse to compromise! This article helped and equipped me to teach them “why” instead of just teaching them not to do something this helps explain the “why”. As I said my husband and I were not taught this principle. So thank you very much!!

    1. Josephine – Do you know if this radio segment you & your husband listened to is online for us to listen to? I KNOW KNOW KNOW my husband would not be on board with this no kissing thing, but maybe if he heard this radio program, it would get him thinking?

      We disagree on most of our parenting, with me being “overprotective” (his words). would love to be a no sleepovers for the kids family, but he thinks the kids will miss out on fun in life.

      How can I be a respectful wife when we disagree?

      1. Morgan,
        Have you ever read the book “Love and Respect”? Also read Eph 5:33 (or all of Eph 5).
        We women are given the idea that our husbands must earn our respect, and they are supposed to love us unconditionally. But we should love AND respect our spouses unconditionally.
        Look, ask your question from his point of view: How can I be a loving husband if we don’t agree?
        It sounds wrong, because it is wrong. Love is a choice. Respect is a choice, too. It’s not easy, but it’s worth it. ;-)

      2. Morgan,
        I remember that it was on the Focus on the Family radio program that we heard this. I do not remember the speakers name, just remember that he had a daughters and they were dating age. I believe they have an app that you can listen to previous programs on. I apologize I don’t remember exactly. As far as with your husband I believe prayer is the answer. God knows your husband and loves him and knows how to speak to Him.

  3. My husband and I haven’t even had children yet, and I’m already dreading this topic. My whole mentality changed once I got married. Nobody can understand the intimacy in marriage until they are married. I remember what it was like to be a teenager. You could never have expected teenage me to understand, and I was a goody-goody! But I wish so badly that the only person I’d ever kissed was my husband. This whole parenting thing is daunting, and I’m not even a parent yet! Bless you parents!!

  4. This was a good post and I am glad to see it! My husband and I were both in our late twenties when we got married. I am thankful to say that neither one of us kissed anyone or each other before we were married! I can easily say that I have absolutely no regrets for not compromising! Proverbs 10:22

  5. I was 31 and had never had a boyfriend. My husband had learned from his experience to draw lines for us that prevented overwhelming temptation. (temptation was still there.). My very first kiss, ever, was after my “I do,” and 2 days before my 32nd birthday. Let me tell you, that is a long time to wait for that dreamed of firstl kiss! But I’m so thankful for a sweet, tender hearted man who made a hard choice that protected both of us, but especially me! I wouldn’t change a thing!

  6. I love the idea of not kissing before marriage. I grew up in a home that didn’t really have any standards in place. Of course I should wait for marriage to have intimacy but it wasn’t something that was drilled into us. I really wish I had waited until marriage for everything because there is baggage brought to your marriage from not waiting until marriage for intimacy. It was so hard to actually trust my husband once I got married. But now, I enjoy our intimacy so much and it’s better than it was with any other person I knew before my husband. I didn’t become Christian until I was an adult so I didn’t have that kind of upbringing. I don’t regret my children but I do wish I would have waited. Now, I am trying to instill in my children the importance of waiting for marriage. I haven’t really talked to them about kissing but this article really makes me think that I should and I will do that. Thanks for your article, I truly enjoyed reading it.

  7. Allison,
    I loved this post! Thank you for sharing it from a mom’s perspective. My parents taught me as you did, but I created a legalistic requirement and used it to make myself look better. That changed when I met my husband and realized setting up this standard would help us be holy! I recently wrote about this on my own blog for young women: http://phyliciadelta.com/saved-first-kiss-for-wedding-day/. Thanks for your ministry! I hope more moms teach this to their daughters!

  8. My husband and I shared our first kiss during our wedding ceremony. I am so glad to be able to say that he is the first person I kissed! We have no regrets! I have tried to encourage my younger siblings in this, though one of my sisters didn’t take it to heart, and later came to me, and told me how she and her fiancé were discovering how hard it was to stop at kissing. My children will know that we followed this rule, and will be encouraged to do the same. (It will be a rule while in our home)

  9. Thank you for sharing this! I am seventeen with a boyfriend whom I have had for a few months and we haven’t kissed yet. My sisters have teased me about “who is holding the reins back” on our relationship and lately I’ve been thinking that we better kiss soon or our relationship is going to fade. Like you, I am most attracted to him because of his faith and testimony in Christ. Reading this has reaffirmed me that we are doing okay. We have a positive relationship without having to get physical.

  10. I 100% agree. I grew up in a family that warned me against kissing, but I chose to learn the hard way instead. My ex-boyfriend and I are both virgins and still great friends, but I do find it awkward at times and regret awaking those feelings of love, as it is harder to be content with where God has me as a single and makes it harder to guard my mind.
    Just because it may not seem like a big deal to you, doesn’t mean it isn’t… just a word from someone who learned the hard way.

  11. This is SO important to me. My husband and I waited. Our first kiss way on our wedding day in front of all our friends and family. Your reasoning is exactly right, it leads to intimacy. Which should be saved for marriage. God’s design is ALWAYS best. ♡

  12. Pingback: Falling for Him...All Over Again {An Uncommon Love: Chapters 11 & 12} - Club 31 Women

  13. The context: 7 Now for the matters you wrote about: “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.” 2 But since sexual immorality is occurring, each man should have sexual relations with his own wife, and each woman with her own husband.

    He is not saying that it is good for a man to abstain, he is addressing their questions regarding it. It IS good for a man to abstain outside of marriage. That much I do agree with. Interesting article with great advice, thanks for posting.

  14. My comment won’t be popular. I respect your views and your faith. I was raised in the church. However I don’t understand how people treat physical intimacy as a gift. I don’t see someone having previous sexual experience as “baggage.” This view of intimacy seems to make sex seem like a dirty thing. Like someone who has had sex before marriage is less of a person. Jesus hung out with Lepers and loose woman. He doesn’t judge people, so people who call themselves Christians should stop trying to be so controlling and judgemental. Sex and intimacy are healthy aspects to any adult relationship, married or not. Just my opinion……

    1. Right, no one is “less of a person” if they’ve committed sin (though we still need to repent and be forgiven). But that doesn’t mean it’s fine to sin. Remember, Jesus told sinners to “go and SIN NO MORE.” He forgave, but He didn’t tolerate sin!
      You don’t know what you’re missing unless you do wait. Sex within marriage can be so incredible and fulfilling. Sex before marriage is not healthy, it’s incomplete–someone’s lying to you. Most just want it NOW, no sacrifice. Real love is worth the wait.

  15. I whole-heartedly agree, but learned the hard way, too. My mom taught me the importance of choosing a Christian man as a spouse; I imagine I got the idea of saving myself for marriage from her, as well. I chose to take those values as my own; the problem was I was missing the *how*. Without it, by 16 years old I had lost my virginity in spite of my firm resolution. I was crushed. I am thankful God is merciful. but I definitely encourage my children (and others) to fully wait for marriage.

  16. As a young woman, my boyfriend and I were very involved in our church youth group and made the commitment not to kiss until our wedding day. Eventually engaged, we were placed in roles to teach other youth about our commitment to purity. Married 3 years later, we struggled terribly with intimacy. We were never able to get passed the wall that we had constructed with pure intentions. This led to our divorce after 10 years of trying to overcome it. The commitment set us up for failure.

    1. I don’t know if I would blame your divorce on trying to stay pure before marriage. I know many couples, including my husband and I, that have benefited greatly from staying pure before marriage. Choosing to do what is right and focusing on pleasing God, even in your relationships, will only bring blessings in your life. I am sorry for your divorce, but please don’t encourage others to sin because you stayed pure before marriage and then ended up getting a divorce. Sin only brings death, broken hearts and shame. Living a pure life is the true answer to happiness!

  17. I Love your delivery of this information!!! I wonder can u tell me if there are any bible studies regarding this that I can lead my 11 yr old and 13 yr old through, or even any books on the topic? This would be of ENORMOUS help! Thanks.

  18. That is a very Godly way to do it. But as I get older I wish that I had done things alot differently. It seems like the kids are dating at an earlier age. 12 & 13year old children are getting pregnant. Their bodies are not ready to carry a baby. Then the grandparents are raising the baby. Forgive me Lord.

  19. My boyfriend and I recently decided to not kiss until we married, but we had already been kissing for a year. So why did we decide to stop? Because it was becoming a problem. Kissing became and idol for me and for him it led to tempting thoughts. We were tired of taking our eyes off God so we decided to toss out the thing that kept us from having a God centered relationship. It has only been a couple of days since we made the decision but I believe God will bless our decision and give us both strength. God has blessed me with my beautiful boyfriend, before I was damaging that gift. But hopefully now I will be able to truly appreciate and admire my gift!

  20. …until he cheats on you. Then it’s “oh, that was all for nothing!”
    If this is something you want to do that is fine-however, it is wise not to force your children to do it too.
    I believe that in not kissing before marriage a person is overemphasizing the importance of the word-it is the relationship, not the title, that counts.

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