How to Help Your Daughter Deal with Mean Girls

Is Your Daughter the Victim of Mean Girls?

Girls can just be plain mean.

I’m talking about ruthless, vindictive, green-eyed monster mean.

Having four daughters at home, I have seen mean girls in almost every age bracket thrash one another with words.

Let’s just admit it.

Our gender is made up of some catty backstabbers, isn’t it?

How to help your daughter deal with mean girls

We know moms who tear down every single mom that doesn’t fit her expectations of what a “real” mom should be.

Mean Girls are a REAL Problem

We also know moms who are always super jealous of other moms.

You can almost see smoke erupting from their heads when someone prettier, funnier, smarter, richer, healthier or sweeter comes along.

Instead of admiring the good qualities of other moms and befriending them, the mean mom sends evil glares.

And adds a snarky comment here and there.

Then adds a dash of lying gossip.


Some people never grow up, do they?

Mean Girls Turn Into Mean Moms

But, guess what?

Most of the time a mean girl who is 5 or 15 has a mom who acts almost identically cruel.

Let’s keep that tucked away in our hearts.


Because our daughters learn more from our actions than from our words.

They watch us and imitate us.

How to help your daughter deal with mean girls

How Can We Help Our Daughters?

At home we can somewhat control the kindness level of our home.

In fact, there are some words and phrases that are not allowed in our home because they are so incredibly demeaning to others.

But, I cannot control the kindness level outside my home.

And neither can you.

When mean girls come into my daughters’ lives, I want all four of my daughters to understand how they should deal with them.

And, wow, do I have some real-life anecdotes to share with them!

Right now I am teaching some pretty important principles to my daughters.

Even at young ages, they’re already dealing with mean girls.

And there’s one other unsettling reality.

Mean Girls are Everywhere

Mean girls can be members of your home-school co-ops…

Members of girl scout groups…

Members of your family…

And even members of your church.

They’re everywhere.

That’s why our daughters need guidance in this area.

How to Help Our Daughters Deal with Mean Girls

Teaching them how to deal with mean girls NOW will enable them to avoid reacting out of pure anger or hurt.

And if they’re prepared, hopefully our daughters will make a huge impact.

Maybe, just maybe, they’ll be the ones who choose to be kind instead of mean.

Encouraging instead of jealous.

Positive instead of critical.

Let’s dig in and chat about how we can help our daughters…and change the future of mean girls!

How to Help Your Daughter Deal With Mean Girls

Be kind in return.

Kindness always wins.

It’s never right to sink down to someone else’s level just because you are outraged by their attitude and words.

Instead, continue to do what you know is right, which is acting and speaking with kindness — at all times.

You can’t control the another girl’s attitude, but you can control yours!


No matter if the mean girl ever apologizes, you should still forgive her and move on.

Don’t harbor bitterness in your heart — it will make you an ugly, bitter person that finds little joy in the most precious things in this life.

Don’t ignore, but don’t pursue.

Mean girls are not the type of girl you need to keep as a close friend.


Because her rotten attitude will eventually pull you down.

However, still be cordial and polite by saying hello when you see one another.

Even if you’re staying quiet and not engaging in arguing, she may assume you are trying to ignore her, which will only fuel her meanness.

Address the situation.

If your kindness still doesn’t seem to affect the mean girl, consider talking to her about the problem privately.

Let her know that you notice that she says mean things to you and shoots you dirty looks.

Ask her if something is wrong, or if you did something that made her upset.

Let her know you want to work things out.

But be prepared.

Some girls will welcome an opportunity to repair a relationship, while others will continue to live in a mean, self-centered world.

Ask yourself a question.

Sometimes a mean girl really does have a reason for being nasty towards you.

Maybe you did something that really hurt her in the past, but you are oblivious to it now.

Think back and try to think of anything you my have said or done that would offend or hurt the mean girl.

If you think you have the answer, make a point to apologize to the mean girl and try to work things out.

If her attitude becomes violent, tell an adult.

It’s absolutely crazy how violent kids are these days.

Since when is it ok for a child or teen to punch, grab, pinch, bite or pull someone else’s hair?


It is beyond me how this type of behavior goes unpunished, and in return you see the peacemakers getting physically hurt.

If another child or teen ever physically harms you, tell me.

I will do something about it.

Ask me to discuss the matter with the mean girl’s mom.

This is normally a last resort for me as I try to keep peace among my mom friends and acquaintances, but sometimes you need me to stand up for you and let the mom understand the situation from your point of view.

I will strive to stay calm, listen to both sides and seek a resolution.

Have you Dealt with Mean Girls?

Have you discussed this issue with your daughter yet?

What plan did you come up with to address the situation?

Share your experience with our community of moms on Facebook!

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