Are Modern Parents Becoming Selfish and Even Narcissistic?

Is it possible for narcissistic, self-centered parents to be in the Christian realm of parenting?

Unfortunately the answer is yes.

My heart is overwhelmed with emotions as I write this post.

I am angry, ashamed and heartbroken.

Is it possible that modern parents are becoming selfish and narcissistic? I'm a modern parent myself and am seeing a very dangerous trend among parents. A powerful parenting truth for all parents! #parenting #motherhood #modernparents #mommyblog #parents #moms #raisingkids #motherhood

I am also mildly concerned about possible negative reactions from my readers, however I feel the need to share the truth.

What’s the point of a blog if you cannot try to make an impact on someone else’s thoughts and opinions without sharing yours?

selfish parents

About a week ago I read a post someone shared via social media.

By the title, I thought it would be an encouragement to parents.

It claimed to be thus.

The “Christian” parents that shared it glorified it as being “exactly what they needed to hear.”

But, it wasn’t an encouragement at all.

Are Modern Parents Selfish

In fact, it was blowing out of proportion the difficulties that almost all parents face.

It also “jokingly” painted children in an incredibly negative, self-absorbed manner.

Yes, I agree with many moms that raising children is difficult at times — but isn’t everything that requires diligent work difficult?

Does staying in shape and eating a healthy diet take commitment, diligence and plain old sweat?

Does having a close-knit relationship with your spouse take a lot of time and sacrifice?

Does composing an orchestral masterpiece require hours of industrious work?

Just like those important things of life require diligence and patience, so does raising children.

Parenting Requires An Unselfish Heart

If a parent is not intentional and dedicated, then yes, parenting will become a nightmare.

And here is the honest truth that the parenting magazines will not tell you: if parenting your kids has become a nightmare, it is not your kid’s fault — it is yours.

I am not being overly critical, I am being critically honest.

When my kids are misbehaving and acting like misfits, I take time aside and reevaluate my mothering skills.

Am I spending enough time guiding my kids?

Am I teaching them the manners I desire to see in their lives?

Am I praying for them enough?

Am I consistently disciplining them or lazily telling them to obey over…and over…and over again?

Let us be humble enough as parents to admit it is our fault if our kids scream, disobey or throw a tantrum.

It is our fault because they have gotten away with those actions one too many times.

selfish parents of this generation

But the writer of the aforementioned post was telling parents they were not reallybad parents if they wished they were at work instead of with the kids.

He also said it wasn’t their fault if the sound of their child’s voice made them want to start drinking and never stop.

Absolutely sickening.

It seems that my generation of parents think that in the parent-child scenario there is only one combination — good parents and bad kids.

Unless the parent does something really drastic like abuse the child or some sort of neglect, it is always the kid’s fault.

Those dirty-faced, snotty-nosed kids have come in and interrupted their morning coffee time, their evening news time and even worse — their nightly zzz’s.

A tad-bit narcissistic, don’t you think?

Have Modern Parents Become Narcissistic?

Definitely not a self-sacrificial Christian attitude that God wants us to maintain in all of our relationships in life.

This same blog post went on to say that when older people advise, “Enjoy your kids while they’re little, they grow up fast!” that he normally laughs off their comment but inwardly wants to hold them under water — just long enough to watch them squirm.

So. Not. Funny.

That comment screams that this generation has no respect for their elders.

This present generation of parents tend to view their elders as uneducated fogies, but this same generation is the one raising a bunch of irrational, overly-medicated children.

Our parents and grandparents did not need to medicate children to make them listen in school or obey.

Their kids also did not throw screaming fits in the grocery store when they didn’t get their favorite candy bar.

Now, who is the more successful parent?

Regretfully, almost 95 percent of the feedback to the previous mentioned article were professing Christians that were saying, “I feel that way exactly! I tell my kids that if they don’t leave me alone we are both going to end up on the front of the newspaper!”

What?!

They are threatening their kids with abuse or murder — only with words, but those words must hurt!

Why is this generation of parents so selfish and narcissistic?

I can’t imagine the hurt I would feel if my mother said those words to me when I was a kid!

I whole-heartily agree with my elders that kids grow up fast.

My oldest is 11 and my thoughts are bittersweet about the day he leaves home.

I know it must happen and it is a good thing, but I ache to know that his constant presence at home will be missed, as it will with all my children when they leave for college or get married.

It must happen and it is a part of growing up, but I still dread that day.

At the present time I am writing for an online baby and parenting website.

I am also applying to other websites and am required to read their latest posts and articles before submitting a written article.

I cannot begin to tell you the myriads of articles that are written about “me” time for moms and dads.

I will not lie.

I enjoy some “me” time, but do I live for me time?

No.

I find great joy and satisfaction in time with my kids and time with my husband.

I am not constantly trying to connive a plan to get out of the house while convincing others that I need just a little bit of “me” time.

In fact, many times that I leave the house without my kids or my husband I feel a little lonely.

My husband and my kids are my closet friends on this earth, and I enjoy getting to spend the majority of my days with them.

I count them as treasures from the Lord!

The majority of parenting articles today. Most of them are following a trend. They tell parents:

You are not a bad parent.
You do need time to yourself.
You are great.
You are wonderful.

But the parents whine and complain about how they have to give up sleep in order to help a child that is sick, has wet the bed or has been awakened by a bad dream.

They complain that they have to wash laundry every day to keep the kid’s clothes clean.

They continue to complain that they have no “social” life.

Poor people.

They have it so rough.

I guess they have completely forgotten all the memories of how their mother stayed up with them when they were running a fever or about all the clean, folded clothes that just happened to appear in their closets and dresser drawers.

Let me share why I enjoy parenting and consider it an awesome season of life.

These examples are just small drops of water in an ocean-full of things that have brought sunshine to my life recently — all at the hands of my adorable, lovable children.

  • During my toddler’s nap time yesterday, one of my daughters slipped a note under the door.

    I picked it up and smiled.

    She drew a picture of a pretty girl on it and wrote, “Just a note to let you know you are the prettiest mom in the world!”

  • After working in my room this Saturday night, I walked out into the living room and saw the entire family’s clothes for church laid out and ironed for Sunday morning.

    Did I do it?

    Nope.

    My nine-year-old daughter did.

    This brought tears to my eyes.

  • Two months ago I turned 31. My kids scrambled up all of their kid money and bought my favorite goodies. They used every bit of their own special money.

    They served the goodies with hand-picked flowers from the yard, on a tray, all while walking and singing “Happy Birthday” as they walked to where I was sitting.

    My husband had nothing to do with it!

    In case you don’t know, my kids are 11, 9, 7,5,3, and 2.

    I am beyond blessed.

  • kids-snack

  • Today I sat down to write a quick list of things for my hubby to pick up at the store.

    Here’s what it said
    list

    My kids leaned over my shoulder and read the list out loud. They all squealed and hugged me and said, “You’re the best mommy ever!”

    They knew I was making grilled cheese for dinner and were super excited about the upcoming kid feast.

  • Just a few days ago, I received a letter in the mail. Amazingly so, $20 fell out. That never happens because we live in Cambodia, Southeast Asia.

    If someone is courageous enough to send cash, it typically doesn’t make it this far — but this time it did!

    It was perfect timing, because I had just spent Saturday night praying and asking God to provide something a little special for the kids.

    I knew what to do with that money.

    I went straight to the book store and bought acrylic paint, construction paper, notebooks, erasers, pencils and colored pencils for the kids.

    Then I gave them each a dollar to spend how they pleased.

    I wish I had taken a video.

    They acted like I handed them gold!

    My heart was overjoyed at the happiness they expressed in the simplest things of life.

    Below is a picture of a birthday craft we did with the supplies.

  • collage

    I seriously could go on for hours about how my eleven-year-old son asks me to sit and swing with him just to talk…

    Or how my kids ask me questions they have about God and the Bible…

    Or how my girls surprise me and clean the kitchen or make my bed…

    Or how my two-year-old sneaks in the bed with me and smothers me with kisses — the list does not end!

    If I can leave anything with you sweet readers today, may I encourage you to stop listening to the world that tells you children are a nuisance and that better days will come.

    I am enjoying my days right now!

    My house is not as clean as it was prior kids and my sleep is sometimes interrupted, but nothing can replace the joy that floods my soul when I hear my toddlers giggle and feel their chubby little hands grasp mine.

    Enjoy their pitter patters, their peanut-butter and jelly kisses, their endless questions and more.

    This season of life will pass us too quickly, and we will never be able to put that little one in our lap again.

    They will be grown and have children of their own.

    God says that children are an heritage of the Lord.

    God does not give us children to punish us, but as gifts.

    Enjoy your gifts today and shun the menacing attitudes that pervade our degenerate society.

    Be a shining light for motherhood, and when others tell you you have your hands full and roll their eyes, flash a smile back and say, “You’re right! A handful of blessings!”

    If this post has been an encouragement to you, please pass it on to others to help fight the negative attitudes of this generation of parents.

If you loved that inspiration, we're sure you'll love these too!

277 thoughts on “Are Modern Parents Becoming Selfish and Even Narcissistic?”

  1. Alison, you are right. I read that post and even identified with the writer’s feelings. I admit that I am a narcissistic parent as you call it, but God is working in my heart and my love for my kids grows every day. Thank you for the gut punch. I needed it. Yes, it is easier to wallow in our troubles than to actually work towards change, but refinement is one of the rewards and challenges of parenting. Thank you for that reminder. God bless you.

    1. Thank you for commenting Keri. The first step to becoming a better parent is to realize we are messing up somewhere! Many times I ask God and my kids to forgive me and then strive to move on with a fresher and better view of motherhood. I am so glad that this post helped you and I pray it will others!

      1. I don’t believe in judging thoughts and feeling of others. I think that the parent who admits they get angry, upset and wants alone time is a stronger parent than the one who denies those feelings. Actions are what matter. Parenting is the hardest job in the world and having moments of weakness are nothing to be ashamed. What is horrible is saying a parent is a bad parent when they admit this weakness. I often get upset and have to walk away for a few moments, but I don’t stay upset and don’t act in that moment of weakness. I refuse to feel bad about myself because I sometimes have negative feels towards my children. I love them but after working long days sometimes I wish they would be quiet or fall asleep early. You what those feelings mean, nothing at all because I still hug them kiss them, listen to long rambling often drama filled stories about their day. I still make sure they have good food for dinner, kisses, stories and tuck ins at night. I have a friend who a few months ago called crying saying she just needed a break. When I arrived she was crying saying at that moment she wondered what she was thinking deciding to have a child. She was exhausted, her husband was out of town, and she had the flu and had been up all night throwing up. You know what I did. I told her it was ok and normal to feel that way. I took the baby and let her sleep for a few hours. I did not judge, I knew she loved her child. She carefully makes all his baby food by hand, she often stays up late at night doing work so she can get off early and spend those precious hours with her child before he goes to sleep. She will happy go without for her child but sometimes like every parent she needs a break and that is ok.

      2. I believe the intensity of his point of view caused you to take an extreme view on the opposite end of the spectrum…thus the title of this post. The truth is somewhere in between. Parenting isn’t 24/7 enjoyable. Nor is it miserable. Parents shouldn’t be condemned for not being perfect. But they shouldn’t get a pat on the back even when their behavior is poor or unacceptable. Every parent won’t have your grace. Every parent won’t have his agitation. I know you’re heart regarding this post. But Suggesting narcism is hardly the way to uplift others and inspire them to do better.

        1. Amen. I found this article almost as offensive as the other articles she alludes to. I have moments when I want to leave work to be with my toddler because I miss his sweet face and voice, and moments when I want to leave home to go to work to do things that are not wiping his nose and pulling things out of his mouth. Most people fall somewhere in between, and there seems to be little allowance for that in this post.

  2. Alison, I applaud your courage for taking a stand for truth. Just because a blog has a “Christian” label on it does not mean it identifies with the truth in God’s Word. I’m grateful that you pointed out the worldly, self-centered slant. Keep up the good work. I enjoy your blog and have shared it with others. Blessings

    1. Beverly, thank you so much for the encouragement! I am so thankful you are sharing this blog with others. That makes me want to work harder and pray harder about this small work. I am finding out that the label “Christian” is being incorrectly and too loosely used. Your sweet comment really made my day! I hope you continue to follow along:)

  3. Wow! I haven’t seen the post you’re talking about, but I totally agree with you! How sad for those kids! It’s sad that Christians talk that way about their own kids. I consider being a parent a PRIVILEGE and BLESSING! I can’t imagine a more rewarding job! I love my job. Would not trade it for anything in this world. I loved your post. It blessed and encouraged me! Keep up the good work!

    1. Thanks Jessica! It is great to hear that other moms consider the season of motherhood a wonderful place to be!

    1. Then you shouldn’t have had “too many.” Control yourself if you didn’t want to be a parent, that was completely up to you. You made the choice so quit whining about it. That is just so sad. Yes it’s hard but get off your soap box mommoftoomany.

    2. WOW! You are so blessed to have “too many children”. I know a lot of women who wish and pray and cry for the “too many” that you have……they have none. God has favoured to bless you with your lot what you consider “too many”……..I have 4 and wish I was younger, or didn’t get deathly sick with my last to have more……..Consider the many women who would give anything to be in your shoes; consider their tears and heartache; then consider how “many blessings you have been given”.

  4. While I agree with this post and love the points that you make… as the daughter of someone with Narcissistic Personality Disorder, I think you may want to consider changing the title… this is not at all what I was looking for but came up in a search. Narcissistic parents are much more detrimental to their children. The abuse is much deeper, and much more traumatizing than a snotty selfish child who became a parent before they were ready.

    Please don’t take this in any offense as it is not intended (over apologizing? likely because it is a trait of a child who has suffered Narcissistic Abuse.) I truly do appreciate this post and am glad that you took the time and cared enough to write it! I am simply wondering if the title might be misleading for people who are searching for helpful information regarding a Clinically Narcissistic Parent.

    1. Thanks for your comment, Mari. I am so sorry you had to suffer narcissistic abuse from a parent.
      I was not speaking of the Narcissistic Personality Disorder when I wrote this post. Just used narcissistic as an adjective for a selfish, self-centered parent which matches perfectly with some dictionary definitions. I understand your concern for other readers, but it would be very confusing for me to change the title now. I hope you understand. Thanks again for taking time to visit Pint-sized Treasures.

    2. Mari, I was thinking the same thing. But actually, the two kinds of parents are not that dissimilar. Selfish parents and self-absorbed parents are both victims of some kind of trauma that arrested their emotional development at a very young age. The clinical narcissist is emotionally an infant, but usually intellectually advanced enough to simulate normal emotions and fool most of the people most of the time. Selfish parents are probably borderline personality disorder–about preschool age.

      1. Either way, they are broken beyond their own ability to fix themselves. They can’t just stop being toy-grabbing, tantrum-throwing superheroes if some trauma arrested their limbic systems at the age of 4. They can’t become self-sacrificing givers instead of lifeblood-sucking vampires if their brains are paused at infant. Infants are all need. Just because their bodies grew doesn’t mean their emotional development kept up. All we can do is pray for them, forgive them, and expect nothing from them.

        1. I disagree with what you said Tammy. You absolutely can expect something from them. Just because something traumatic happened when they were young does not mean that they can’t take responsibility for their actions in this present time, change their mindset, and become something better than they are. Every human has that ability regardless of what happened to them in childhood.

          1. I absolutely agree that trauma as a child shouldn’t be an excuse for poor life choices later & that work can & should be done to heal. However when it comes to clinical narcissism, there’s not much to be done. Most research on narcissism will show the majority are incapable of changing thought patterns-how can they when it’s not their fault? (They’re also very good at hiding it, even from therapists)The small % that successfully change do so with God-even secular psychologists acknowledge that.

    1. So glad to hear form you Amanda! Think about you a lot and miss your wonderful family:) Thanks for being a great example of a mom that focuses on her kid’s needs above her own!

  5. Thank you for speaking the truth so unashamedly. With three children under 5, some days I have to ask The Lord to help me be a “joyful mother of children.” The sometimes overwhelmed feeling from Homeschooling, laundry, cooking, cleaning, and everything else that can happen in a day seems so trivial when one tells you how much they love you and thank you for all you do for them. I praise and thank The Lord for my precious blessings and ask Him to give me the strength to train and raise them for Him

    1. You’re right Sarah. When one of my little ones say,”Yay! Thank you for making pancakes mommy! I love them so very, very much!” it makes the hard work and clean-up so worth it. Parenting is not easy, but the rewards are amazing:)

  6. Hi Alison,
    I saw that exact article that you mentioned in your blog. I could not believe some of the things that the author said. Especially, the part about holding the child underwater. I thought that comment was beyond inappropriate. Even on my worst days, I would never wish harm to my child. I may wish that she would just be quiet or nap a little longer, but never to hurt her. I think maybe the author of that article should consider talking to a professional. Your words are very encouraging. I stay at home with my three year old little girl. I often get very overwhelmed, but I try to enjoy every minute with her.

    1. Jeni, parenting can be overwhelming at times as young children have many needs, but like you said we need to have the attitude of trying to enjoy every minute.
      The writer of the article was actually talking about holding the people who say,”Enjoy them while they are little.”under water. I thought he was talking about his own kids at first, but on the second read I understood he was talking about the older, more seasoned parents that gave him that awesome advice.
      Thanks so much for commenting and encouraging!

  7. Becky at www.yourmodernfamily.com

    I think that this is a truly amazing post that you wrote! If you get negative comments, lean my way for support because it is spot-on. I feel the same way! Our kids are a blessing and I really do love being with them. So many times, people say to me “Four kids? Are they all yours? I bet you are busy!” & on & On, but honestly, I love it and I tell them (truthfully)- I could have more in a heartbeat. I love being a Mom! Its those little moments that touch your hearts.

    Sharing this on my FB page tonight.

    1. Thanks so much Becky! I get the same comments with six, and began getting them when I had three kids. It’s encouraging to hear other moms say how much they enjoy being a mom and that they would want have more! Let your mommy light shine;0) Thanks for sharing on Facebook!

  8. Jacqueline @ Deeprootsathome.com

    Allison,
    I am very thankful to have stumbled upon your post tonight. You speak the truth, and I have been grieving what is happening in our country and elsewhere. It is devastating to watch for an old fogey like me, but even more devastating to those who are a product of it. It is shameful and even though I don’t know of the article you reference, I am ashamed that the man calls himself a Christian and a pastor. I thank God He is still on the throne!
    I will ask you a favor…would you consider sharing your wonderful posts (I’ve been reading…) (if you are in the habit of linking-up) over on my ‘Encourage One Another’ Wednesday? I would be very thrilled if you would share your wisdom with the Mamas there. We need all the encouragement we can get!
    God bless you and your dear, dear treasures!

  9. Sure, Jacqueline. I will make a note to stop by on Wednesday. Thank for inviting me and for the encouraging comment. I would love an opportunity to encourage other moms:)
    Thanks again!

  10. Emily @ My Love for Words

    I haven’t read the article you’ve referenced, but my heart breaks for children who are raised by such parents. Don’t get me wrong; I definitely have my less than stellar mom moments, but I can’t imagine joking about holding my child underwater. Just the thought of that makes me sick, and it saddens me to think if that’s what’s being vocalized for public consumption what’s going on behind closed doors or in the recesses of his mind? What isn’ t he willing to share? Scary. Children are most definitely a blessing, and while I sometimes take this amazing position of mommy for granted, I know that too soon this big house will be empty (ours are 11, 4, 1, and soon-to-be born), and I’ll miss them terribly. I guess I’m just thankful that I know that now so I can soak in as much time with them as possible before it’s too late. I hope the parents you’ve described realize it sooner rather than later too. Thanks for sharing.

    1. So true Emily. The write was speaking of holding the older people underwater, not the kids, but still that is wicked in itself! I really wonder how people can justify joking or seriously thinking those things…all the while calling themselves Christians.
      Congratulations on your upcoming arrival!! Yay! Another little on to hold, cuddle and baby’s breath to smell. Enjoy them while they’re little;0) lol:)

  11. Crystal @ Serving Joyfully

    I absolutely LOVE this! I read that same article and had the exact same reactions you did. I couldn’t believe the words or the positive reaction. There was a similar one going around last year that ended up in the huffington press, where a woman was mocking the idea of “carpe diem” and it was overall just a really negative view of being a parent and it made me so sad.

    And, I think you nailed it–it’s selfishness. We get upset at doing this or that for our families because it conflicts with what WE want to do instead. It’s really sad the number of parents who treat their kids like burdens :( I have to admit to having bad days, bad moments, but I pray that my kids never feel like only a burden to me.

    1. Awww….Crystal, I am honored that you took time to read my article and reply! I have enjoyed so many of your posts!
      It seems a lot of people have read that article and I am glad that a few ladies have shared my same reaction. It was pretty scary that so many parents responded positively. I really feel for the kids of this generation! I am so thankful for how the Lord convicts me if I become selfish as a parent. Even sharing my beloved frappiccino:)
      Thanks so much for the encouragement and the visit!

  12. This was a very lovely, heartwarming post Alison! I have to admit also that I have been quit narcissistic lately towards my children…and it has been a heavy burden on my heart! I mainly shush them when my morning talk shows are on, which I shouldn’t do, I should turn the TV off and whip out the craft bag and sit and talk with them. I really have been trying to become a better Mother to my girls, and this post has just helped me out on my journey to become the Mom that I want to be. I look back at memories of my Mother and my Grandmother, how warm and loving they were to me, and I want to be that for my children! Thank you for posting this, thank you for giving us Moms, who need a little help and encouragement something to read and reflect on. The part that ecspecially hit home for me was when you said “we will never be able to put that little one in our lap again”, I was teary the whole post, but to read that, I lost it! I never thought of that, soon my girls will not want to sit on my lap or hold my hand…that is the hardest thing for me to accept.

    1. Kristen, it is a huge blessing to know that something I wrote has encouraged you to be a better mom. I have been encouraged by so many older moms and I still am striving to be the mother I dream of being one day. It’s good that you tear up about your kids growing up. That means they are special to you! Not all kids have parents that care that much. I tear up when I think of my kid’s growing up and even when I think of other kids growing up. Ever since I had my first child it has been that way and hasn’t changed. Thanks for taking the time to visit and comment. The comments on this blog are what keep me writing!

  13. Dear Alison,

    Thank you for your wisdom and bravery. I am a military father of 2 beautiful girls. The love of my life is due to bless our family with our third little girl this year, but I will miss her first year. Consequently, my wife bears the greater burden of parenting our children. When I return from my duties elsewhere, she then bears the burden of helping me “catch up” on how we are encouraging the new stages in each of their little lives.
    My wife asked me to read your article, and I’m glad she did. Moreover, I’m further reassured that she is the woman of God I always wanted, and will never deserve. I only hope that any woman who resonates with your words above also understands that their hearts are inclined to love children the way Jesus would. For that, they and you are awesome, blessed, women of faith. I’m merely fortunate to be married to one of the best.
    Keep up the work, stay strong, and keeping pouring love and sacrifice into your kids.

    In Him,

    James

    1. Thanks for the encouragement and congratulations on baby number three! I admire your wife for doing most of the parenting while you are away serving our country. You two sound like a wonderful couple that loves and cares for your children. I feel so blessed to have your wife as a reader! My husband served in the Marine Corps Reserves and our family is thankful for all the men and their families that sacrifice so much to keep our country safe. Thank you for serving God, your family and our country!

  14. KC @ The Real Thing with the Coake Family

    I am so with you in terms of the fact that if the kids are misbehaving, it is usually something we are not addressing. They are great mirrors of our own behaviors and attitudes and can be our greatest teachers if we are open to it. I am also so dreading the day my girls are no longer in my home and have grown up. Sometimes I panic a little bit about it. I think it seems like after the fun of having kids, life will be quite dull when they are gone.
    Of course, all of that being said, there are bad days and days that it isn’t fun and it just stinks…but that is just what I call ‘life.’ Unlike you though, I do have a high need for time away. I get recharged that way and truly need that time. I take off for a couple of hours every Sunday afternoon. It allows me to make it through the week as a sane person. I don’t think there is anything wrong with acknowledging that I need that time and that I am a better mom and more patient when I take that self-care time. I don’t think that is what you were saying, but I did just want to say that some self-care and time away is needed and some people have a higher need for it than others.
    Thanks so much for being honest and sharing. I really appreciate it.
    Thanks so much for linking up at the Real Family Fun link party! Hope to see you next week.
    KC

    1. Dear KC,
      Thanks for commenting and visiting!
      I am not against taking time aside to re-energize and re-focus, however most parents in this generation are spending the majority of their time on themselves. I have met mom after mom that said she just needed to”get away,” when in fact she hardly ever spent time with her kids. In the article above, I was addressing the selfish, narcissistic attitudes that pervade our society. Sometimes parents concern themselves too much with self-care time and begin to view their kids as annoying interrupters of their special time. I enjoy some quiet moments alone as well, and especially dates with my hubby, but it can easily get out of hand as you focus on trying to get more and more self time and less and less parenting time. As parents we should always be careful about how we view our kids, as the Bible tells us that,”Lo, children are an heritage of the Lord…” I do not want to view them any other way:)

      1. Sometimes life happens and we want to be the best mother we can be but things don’t always work out like we planned. Some of us are single moms with 3 kids who don’t have a hubby…lol to help out or any other family for that matter. We all do the best we can but some don’t have as much support and are raising kids all alone and don’t have the luxuries others have. Sounds like your kids have the attention of 2 parents!! Lucky kids!!

  15. Alison, this is one of the best posts I have read to date! I am so blessed that I stumbled across this, I don’t remember how, but God’s hand was upon it. Thank you so much. Have a blessed day. I am so grateful for this post. Tara (The Proverbs 31 Sanctuary)

    1. Wow, thanks so much Tara! I am just glad that my heart was stirred to write this. I thank the Lord for giving me an opportunity to reach out to other moms through this blog. I thanks the Lord for directing me to write this post and I hope it continues to speak to parent’s hearts about not becoming too self-focused, even though we naturally are! You made my day:) Come and visit again!

  16. Hi Alison, being a parent is difficult at times but it is the most rewarding role someone can have. Everyday I wonder if I made the best decision or did the right thing. I consistently strive to do better but I know there are many people, not just parents, who don’t question themselves – they aren’t self aware enough to even know they may be doing something wrong. A child brought up with neglect and abuse will often grow up to do the same to their children. That cycle can be difficult to break and it spreads through out our society, to all walks of life. It’s a shame and it breaks my heart. Some people don’t deserve the treasures they have been given – their children and the unconditional love that comes from them. My question is, what can we do as a society?

    1. Darlene,
      Thanks for visiting and commenting. As far as individuals, I think the most positive effect we can have on society is simply to love and cherish the children around us. We can only hope and pray that our lights and examples can awake people to the truth!

  17. I am not a parent, but I am a teacher to 130 middle school students. I feel like I have similar feelings to that of a parent, exhaustion, frustration, a possible desire to drink…but. There is a but. I continually remind myself of how lucky I am to be a part of these kids lives. I get to laugh with them, be sad with them, teach them not only English but hopefully life skills. It’s difficult to see the product of parents who weren’t ready to have children and who didn’t step upto the plate when the inevitable day of delivery came. Parents that play video games and go to the bar rather than help with homework. Parents that don’t return a phone call when there is an issue with their child. It truly saddens me. I don’t feel like there’s a sense of children being a reflection of the parents. When we get back to that, then there will be a change but not before.

    1. Thanks Steph for commenting! I can understand your love for your students as I have been a K-4 teacher as well as a piano, voice and violin teacher. I prayed for and loved my students. There were many times I would see parents cussing, throwing their kids off to other people at every chance and living very immoral lives in front of their kids. Their message was clear. My life and desires are more important than yours. Those same parents would be offended just by the presence of other parents that cared and were involved in their child’s activities and education. Thank you for caring for your students.! Come back and visit again!

    1. Hi Jean!
      I appreciate you taking the time to read the above post. However, I do want you to know something. My life is not perfect, and I apologize if you think I portrayed my life as thus. I am only human and make many mistakes, but I have a great God that is merciful and guides me in all walks of life. He is there to convict my soul when I become too concerned about my needs and desires or If I have failed as a mother that day. I do fail. But my main object of this post was to wake parents up that kids are a blessing and that sometimes we ARE bad, narcissistic parents….even though we try to convince ourselves that we are not.. Our child’s future does heavily fall on us. May you be encouraged to rely on God’s strength in the realm of parenting!

  18. Parenting for me is so wonderful and has given me a purpose and a focus for my life that I find very fulfilling. It’s also exhausting. Exhausting. Perhaps after 6 you have figured something out. As a parent when I hear about other parents struggles it helps me immensely. I feel at once connected and relieved, I laugh and my exhaustion relaxes. Whereas reading your post makes me feel angry and pressurized to turn out perfectly behaved, always shiny children. I want to tell a lot of your responders to get off their high horse and try for a little empathy. I’m sure I make choices that are different from the ones that you and many of your responders makes as a parent. But there are few moments of the day that go by that I don’t consider or do something for the health, well being, development and happiness of my child. What that looks like in my house may be very different from what it looks like in your house. I don’t know. Perhaps my version of freedom means that I don’t ask for my child to show much etiquette, maybe it’s that I actually find it adorable when my toddler “fake” cries so I don’t correct her, maybe I am uncomfortable with dressing up my child to look a certain way so I let her roam in something more unconventional. I’m just listing some random examples that may or may not apply. I’m happy that you and your children have such a wonderful relationship as you depict, or that you can find many examples that prove to you that your are doing the right thing for you and your kids. Everybody’s family is different. ‘Parents are people’ to quote Marlo Thomas, and they will express themselves as befits their personality. It is not a reflection of their love for their children or their ability as parents.

    1. HI Molly!
      Thanks for stopping by!
      Yes, parenting is exhausting, but so rewarding. I agree that sharing our imperfections with one another can be therapeutic and helpful. However, we need to make sure that sharing our struggles does not glorify ourselves and downplay our kids. I am not perfect. My kids are not perfect.
      Yes, I have learned something after six kids. I have learned that I need God more now than I have ever before in my life. Each child has their own personality and special needs in training. I ask God to forgive me when I mess up and ask my kids as well. I do not try to tell myself that it is my kid’s fault.
      About shiny kids, I do prefer my kids to be mannerly and nice in appearance, but it takes time and effort. I feel like by fixing their hair, teaching them not to burp at the table, telling them to always treat adults with respect, saying please and thank-you will not only help them now, but also when they are adults. I do not want my kids growing up to be rude customers, employers and citizens. I want them to grow up to be polite and respectful. If I don’t teach them these things while they are young, how can I expect them to be that way when they are teens and adults?
      As far as the other positive comments, I do not think those parents are on a “high-horse”. I simply think they are excited to see that other parents share their views of kids being a blessing in our lives. Their positive comments uplifted my spirits and encouraged me to try even hard to be the best mom I can be while my kids are still under my roof.
      My kids and I do have wonderful relationship, but it is only because God has had mercy on my short-comings and has let my life be blessed by older parents that gave me awesome, needful advice. I praise the Lord for what He has done with my kids, but again…we are not perfect. We are learning and growing everyday!
      Thanks again fro visiting and taking the time to express your thoughts!

      1. Thanks for the reply. My response to your responders about a high horse, was definitely fueled by anger and perhaps not the best choice of words. My anger came from the fact that several comments showed that they did not, in fact, read the other post correctly or carefully, but still felt comfortable making egregious statements shaming the writers’ parenting and lamenting the situation of his children. It is this kind of judgmental and negative parent bashing that I find very harmful and disappointing. I notice that you did correct the first person who made that comment, thankfully, but I hope that a culture of support and understanding can be uplifted instead of one of blaming and shaming. And so I question the use of another parent’s post, their personal outlet of expression, as a means by which to base another post that is centered on criticizing their parenting, and drawing conclusions about them as a person and parent based, I assume, on that one blog post. Unless, perhaps, I am very wrong and you know this person and have observed their parenting personally…? Personally, I did not find at all what you claim in your post, that this person was an example of a narcissistic parent. Please know, I didn’t intend to make it seem as if I were critiquing your style of parenting. It is only natural that one would try to pass on the values they think are important to their children, whatever they may be. In fact, my intention was to point out that HOW people parent may LOOK very differently and this does not mean that one or the other is better. I think, or I should say, I HOPE, we can agree that as long as some basic tenets are in place that every child has a right to receive, such as providing for and nurturing their development & health and if love is present that the parents are doing a fine job, even if they have very different methods and express themselves in different ways. Let’s take the time we spend on critiquing others to question why we feel the impulse to critique. How does it support or growth as individuals? Is it that we to critique others to feel validated in our own choices? Why? Is their a way that we can reflect on other practices we may not agree with and still garner support for our growth or life choices without negative judgement on others (or ourselves)?

        1. Hi Molly!
          Honestly, I am not going around comparing parents and parenting styles. I realize that some are more laid-back, more strict, etc. However, I was responding to this one article because it did present a selfish attitude towards parenting. I want to encourage parents to not concentrate on the downside of parenting, but the upside:) I never said it wasn’t tough, it is…but it is so worthwhile.
          As far as negative judgment, contrary to popular belief, negative judgment or sometimes I like it call it constructive criticism does a world of good. Again, I am not walking around with a magnifying glass looking for others’ faults. I have too many of mine own to worry about, but a true Christian is concerned about others around him or her. The Bible says that “Faithful are the wounds of a friend, but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful.” The Bible also says in Psalm 11:1-2,”Help LORD; for the godly man ceaseth; for the faithful fail from among the children of men. They speak vanity every one with his neighbor: with flattering lips, and with a double heart do they speak.”
          Molly, I want to be a true friend to my readers and the people that I am blessed to have in my life. If they vent to me how they want to drink and never stop at the sound of their child’s voice, or would rather be working than staying at home with their kids, etc…as a true friend I would not tell them ,”You’re great. Don’t worry about it.” That would be deceit and flattery. No, as a true friend I would tell them it is not easy, but we need to focus on what our job as a parent is and to ask God for His strength and wisdom. God gives us so many parenting tips in His word, and if we follow them, our children will bring delight to our souls. God did not give us children to make our lives hard or to punish us. My job as a true friend is to speak the truth in love. We cannot go around telling people never to criticize, if we do no one will improve. I am thankful for the day when an older couple criticized me and pointed out I did not need to let my toddler pull the glasses off of my face, etc. I needed to train him to sit quietly and act mannerly. I listened and heeded their advice. They were trying to help a young, novice mom. I do not view them as judgmental, not I view them as caring for mine and my child’s future!
          Thanks for your questions and comments!

  19. I LOVE your honesty! This is a very thought provoking piece. I have recently switched from a full time career to a work at home contract position. Mainly priorities have certainly hanged and this is making me question how I answer my children’s requests wile trying to make income from my laptop. I have 5 amazing children who soak everything up like sponges. my husband and I try to go to dinner 1 time a month or so by our selves but rarely leave the kids overnight with grandparents .Maybe 3 times in 9 years! Even our 14 year anniversary was spent with all 5 at a local restaurant. Thank you for reminding me to choose my words and actions carefully. I want to set an example for how they will treat their kids in the future and truly cherish every minute with them!

    1. Good to hear from you Heather! May the Lord bless you as you transition to a stay-at-home mom life. I’m sure you won’t regret it!

  20. Alison,
    I know which post you are talking about and I did not like it either. I thought the tone was very negative. I agree with you – it is a joy and a privilege to be a parent. Children are a reward and God’s gift to us. Thank you for sharing your heart. I cried reading about your kids saving their pennies to buy you snacks. What an awesome testimony! Thanks for sharing at Family Fun Friday. I enjoyed reading the words from your heart.
    Monica
    http://happyandblessedhome.com

    1. Thanks for stopping by Monica! I also appreciate you featuring this post! I really want moms to re-think the common mentality that pervades our generation of parents. I know about crying about the kids spending their little bit of money. My kids touch my heart in so many ways:)

  21. Alison,
    I’m so glad I stumbled onto your website! I don’t know if you remember, but we met you about 4 years ago on your deputation trail, and our oldest girls hit it off right away (Stephen and Laura Holt’s daughter in CT). Anyway–excellent post! I’ve often thought along those same lines. THough I never read the original post, I have encountered that mindset all too often around me. Sad. But I’m thankful for the family God has given me, and I’m thankful for encouraging writers like yourself! :)

    1. Of course I remember you!! I am sooooooooo glad we got back in touch! Yay! I will email you soon so our girls can keep in touch again. I honestly did not include the original link and post to the negative article, because I do not want to support it. Blogs and websites gain traffic from links, and I do not want to have any part in helping a pastor that says things like that. Many people with negative comments wished I did, but I hope they could understand why I didn’t:) Again, I am so thankful our paths crossed again and I want to get in touch with your parents too:) Amazing soldier for Christ serving the Lord in such a poverty-stricken, spiritually dark place! I am thankful they are there!

  22. Great post. I agreed with most and not with some. Yes I do believe that parents are the problem with some of the children. As we are raising our children I think back to my childhood and I do not remember having all of the activities available that there are now. I was raised on a farm with three siblings, we worked hard, played hard and we were not the center of our parents attention. We were told to find something to do so my mother could cook, clean, garden and help out on the farm. My father was a school teacher and farmer. We had to work around the yard chores and during the summer, if we wanted to play and swim, we had to help with the farm work. My parents taught me a great work ethic, how to entertain myself- that created a love for reading and writing, and how to do it myself-sewing, working with wood and painting. These are the same traits I hope my children have, learn from.

    1. Hi Alaina!

      I think a good, strong work ethic is great! My kids work with me around the house. We have a rule, that there is no playing or extra activities until school and chores are done. If my hubby and I go out on a date, that changes and they can have fun time first. But, honestly my kids do not have access to many activities and probably work a little extra around the house because we live in a third-world country and everyday life is a little more difficult than the American life I knew as a kid.I actually see a lot of good traits in my kids because we all have to chip in and work around the house. But, when I am cooking, sweeping and mopping or working in the yard, it is easier to tell the kids to do something else, but both of us benefit more when we work together. Even my two year old enjoys it and they learn a lot! My kids also have quiet times where they spend time reading, writing, or drawing alone. I think a balance works best, and I am glad you had parents that made sure you worked and played hard! Both are great for kids!
      Thanks for visiting:)

  23. Thank you so much for sharing your very thought provoking post on Busy Monday! I agree with the observation that you made in a previous comment about the results of every one having to chip in and work around the house. I think that sense of belonging and making an important contribution to the family unit is a very important factor across the board in family life. If someone did not learn that as a child they are not going to be able to pass that on to their children. Everything truly becomes centered around the self, whether it is parent or child.

  24. Amazing article, Alison! Thanks for sharing it on my hop, it’s very inspirational.
    Yes, you’re right, parents often times think they’re good while their kids ca only be bad and act accordingly, without reevaluating themselves which in turns leads to a wrong education and personality development for the little ones. I totally disagree with that and luckily I, as a mother, recognized the issue early enough to make changes in my parenting, when needed. And that’s very often, we all learn as we go.

    I’m looking forward to see you again at my hop, next week, sharing more of your wonderful posts. If you’d like an e-mail reminder for when the hop goes live please subscribe to it @ http://blogspot.us4.list-manage2.com/subscribe?u=86c5eea2f9d691e2f5b321f18&id=0d6371dc2b or back at my hop.

    Have a lovely week.

  25. I have 4 children ages 40, 38, 36 & 18. I have birth to all of them and I have been parenting for a little over 40 years now. My youngest will be leaving for college in the fall, I am trying to think that this will be time for my husband and I. I will miss my son so much, we are so close. I talked to him while we were riding in the car yesterday. He told me he believes that so many of his classmates have issues with alcohol and drugs because they never talk to their parents. He says that kids tell him they never have a conversation with their parents. He does things with me all the time. Kids ask him, “why do you hang out with your mom?” He said he tell them. “Because I like her!” He is also very close to my husband. he is an “Athlete of Character” for our school. He tells me he loves me in front of his friends all the time. My older children tell me they love me every time I talk to them. I adore my children and always have. I know when someone treats you with love and respect, you tend to return that. I enjoyed your post! I agree with you wholeheartedly.

    1. Your comment meant so much to me, Betty. Thanks so much for taking the time to write it. It is so encouraging to hear from moms with success stories. Your son is an example of how kids will continue to love you and have a close relationship with you if you take time to cultivate it and put their needs first when they are small. You really brightened my day:)

  26. Columba Lisa Smith

    Definitely true that parenting is hard work. If my kids are driving me nuts, I know it is because I have gotten lazy.

    1. Yes! Simple and to the point. If my children are misbehaving, most often it is because I have not done my part. That is the work of the Holy Spirit.

  27. Alison,

    Well, I’ve been thinking what exactly to write here. I DID read both the article and the critique. I am a Christian, and a mother of three, soon to be four little ones 7 and younger. When I first read the other article, my response was for the most part positive. Here’s why: What I gathered from it was the overall message that if you have negative feelings and find parenting little ones hard – that does not mean you are a “bad parent.” So often, in Christian circles we are not transparent with the struggles we may be having in various areas – including parenting. And in our mask of “oh everything is fine” we find ourselves isolated, in hiding, feeling defeated, and wondering if there is even hope that we can become the godly parents we KNOW we are called to be. If we cannot admit the sinful, selfish thoughts and feelings – how can we ever deal with them? In our isolation trying to “look” like good Christians, the devil has a field day and leaves us defeated. So, I think the article’s motivation was to help those parents to realize that (1) they are NORMAL and not beyond help and (2) it will get better, but meanwhile give yourself and others some grace and encouragement. Now, I know that normal also means sinful, and that as Christian parents we must ask the Lord to grow us beyond ourselves….. That is His supernatural work in us through Christ. So, I don’t need to get stuck feeling like a failure and defeated in my sins…. I need to hope in God and trust His grace is enough for both me and my children. AND I need to ask Him to forgive me and change me. Knowing that others struggle with the same feelings/sins is not something that I rejoice in…. but it does help me escape that trap of the devil that says “you are the only one… if you were a REALLY good Christian you’d never….. God is SO tired of you failing in this area….etc.” Anyway, I also appreciated your exhortation to put away selfishness and to regard our children the same way God does – as blessings and rewards. They don’t always “feel” like they are – but the truth is that they ARE. I just need to keep growing more like Christ and less like ME in order to appreciate that truth fully! :-)

    1. Hi!
      Thanks for taking the time to comment and to visit. Parenting is hard work, as I mentioned in my article, however our attitudes is many times the problems of our frustrations. I do not think that everyone is wearing a mask if they look good on the outside. I think it is great to meet a mom whose love for her kids radiates. Yes, she has sleepless nights and yes she has battles of the will with different kids, but you won’t find her saying she wants to hide herself in a closet, or start drinking and never stop, or hold people under water just long enough to watch them squirm when they tell her to enjoy her kids while they are little. No, I think the moms that look good on the outside and the inside would be appalled that someone would think or say those things. What about Proverbs 31? The virtuous woman that has the law of kindness in her tongue? Telling your kids if they don’t leave you alone or you will both end up on the front of the newspaper is not kindness. May I encourage you to read Proverbs 31: 10-31 and also Titus 2. Then please find where God’s word says it is ok to have these thoughts about children. Children are an heritage from the Lord, according to Psalm 127:3. We should treat them and honor them as precious jewels. Love, discipline, training. prayers and dependence on the Lord Jesus Christ will help us enjoy our blessings with positive attitudes and realize that kids do grow up fast!

      1. Alison,

        Okay, I don’t think it is kind to say those things….or even think them either. I actually said that it is sinful….part of that fleshly nature that we war against as Christians. I’m sure that there are some moms out there who have NEVER struggled with those thoughts or sinful attitudes of selfishness and are completely appalled at the fact that there are those who do. I also think that the other article writer used some of those examples in a hyperbolic writing style – to show the absolute extreme. I don’t think he or anyone thinks it is okay to think/act on those very extreme examples. Anyway, I don’t know that author nor do I know you. I am very familiar with the Proverbs 31 verse and the Titus 2 verses and Psalm 127. I don’t think the Word says it is okay to think and feel those negative ways. I was merely explaining what I thought the other article intended – to let parents who are STRUGGLING with those negative sins and hiding it because they feel trapped and condemned to come out and admit it, then seek the Lord to turn away from it and hold on to Him as they mature and get to that better place as parents. I personally felt a little fussed at and misunderstood by you in your response to me – but it can be difficult to “read” people on through the internet. Just so you know a bit about me, and perhaps that will help you understand the viewpoint…. I went through 9 years of infertility (unexplained) and praying for, longing for and greatly desiring the blessing of children. The Lord has very graciously has given us now almost 4 blessings. I was very surprised at the anger and frustration that came to the surface when I first became a mother. No one really warned me about that being possible. I struggled for a long time before getting the help and encouragement and prayer I truly needed because I felt so guilty about those negative feelings and thoughts that came very unbidden to me. As I have grown and the Lord has continued to work on me through my job and calling as a mother – my patience and maturity have grown and thankfully my selfishness has grown less. I have also learned better ways of coping with anger and “putting it off.” Along with all of this I have learned from the Word that it is not “normal” or “natural” for people to be loving, patient, etc. – it is truly the work of God in them. That’s why Colossians 3 talks repeatedly about “putting on” righteousness, patience, forbearance, etc. – it’s not something we are born with! So I don’t need to feel guilty and stuck about not being that way from the start – I just need to go to the Lord and cooperate with Him in “changing clothes” so to speak! Putting on the righteousness of Christ and not walking in the old fleshly nature. Anyway, in the end I think both you and the other article author intend only to encourage parents out there. For the record, I DO like to meet mothers who delight in their children – and to learn from them too! I also have great compassion for those young mothers who find themselves struggling with awful feelings and thoughts and who need a word just to hang in there and to know that there is hope to overcome their struggles in the Lord. Thanks for taking time to read this and perhaps understand a bit better! :-)

        1. Thanks for replying! I agree we are not born with patience and righteousness, but I do not get that point form the article. I do not agree that the author is wanting to give extremes…I think he considers those normal….and I still disagree with his article.
          I do think that we are constantly growing in the Lord and have the opportunity set before us to be the mothers we want to be. If we come in contact with moms that really enjoy motherhood, I think it is a great idea to pull up a chair and sit awhile. Ask questions, glean wisdom and seek encouragement., not pity-parties or pat on the backs when we are in the wrong. Yes, we are not perfect, but we we should strive to be!
          Thanks for taking the time to reply and may you continue to enjoy your blessings!

        2. @Lone I love the way you articulated your thoughts in both comments. Very well written.
          I’m a mom of 3 young boys and I love them to pieces. I enjoy spending time with them whenever I can and I’m very aware that these years are gone all too soon.
          When my second son was born we spent the next 3 years sleeping VERY poorly. At the same time there were a lot of other issues going on so these were VERY very tough years. I was so exhausted I found thoughts creaping into my head that I didn’t want there. Anger at my son (even though I know he couldn’t do anything about it). Frustration at the situation. Depression and hopelessness in general for just not being able to deal with it all. Guilt for feeling this way about a little guy that I really loved very much and was very very grateful for! I was in so completely over my head (and there was very little I could do about it)! Fortunately God was there in those VERY dark moments. He protected me and my children and helped me take those negative thoughts captive.
          I was lucky. I had help. But the experience has left me deeply compassionate for moms that find themselves in similar places of darkness, alone. In my experience, it’s entirely possible to really love your child and yet be so completely at your wits end that it’s not unthinkable that you might actually cross a line some time and hurt someone you love. I know that in those dark times I was SO SCARED that I would cross that line some time. I didn’t. But not through my own strength.
          For a mom to feel things like that is a complete taboe topic even though I’m sure there are many more moms out there that go through something similar. If only we could encourage and help each other more. Things just aren’t as bleak and unbearable when you can share the burden.
          I remember one particular incident that was just so encouraging. I was walking home with my son and he was crying and crying. I’d tried everything and nothing worked. An elderly lady walked towards me. I was afraid she might be thinking what a bad mom I was to be walking with a crying baby like that. But she stopped when she got to me and said ‘I know just how you feel. I had a child that cried and cried and there just wasn’t anything I did that helped. I was so exhausted and discouraged. Hang in there! You’re not the only one and you will get through.’ Wow. I was so encouraged. What a gift to have met her just then.
          On another note. We’ve recovered from those black years and son number 3 has come into our lives recently. We feel incredibly blessed. My boys are definitely a gift from God and I try to remind myself of that those times when they put my parenting skills to the test :) It’s an incredible priviledge to be allowed to be a part of their lives, to have a hand in influencing their hearts and minds and help them grow up to become lovely mature men.
          A lot more could be said on this topic. It’s an incredibly interesting discussion. Thank you Alison for what you wrote.

  28. This post is so timely – Baby #1 is due in a month. People keep telling us in a warning tone, “You’ll never get to sleep in again!” “Forget all that eating out you like to do” “You’ll never have fun on vacations anymore”. And I can’t help but think, if those kinds of things are so imporant to you…and you think kids “ruin” them…why on earth did you HAVE kids?

    And that’s the other shame – I think so many people have kids simply because all their friends are, or their parents are pressuring them to, or they want the attention, or they foolishly think that all kids are 100% cute and fun all the time. And then they get angry and resentful and, like this “pastor” try and convince themselves that their bratty, annoying kids are somehow not their fault.

    Best advice I’ve gotten so far was from my gramma who raised 7 kids: “You get the children you raise”. Meaning, if having your morning coffee, hitting the nightclubs, or taking a fancy vaction matters more than taking the time to raise thoughtful, ethical, considerate children, guess what? Your kids will indeed be holy terrors and it will be all on you!

    I loved your stories in this post – I hope I can be as lucky with my soon-to-be here child!

    1. Dear Jill,
      SO glad you stopped by and got to read this post before the birth of your little one! I hope you are encouraged about the days ahead. They will be hard, but oh so rewarding. I would never choose not to be a mother, it is the most rewarding job ever. You will enjoy the kisses, cuddles and snuggles. Feel free to write anytime you want or need encouragement!
      Blessings!

  29. LOVE this post Alison, I agree with you wholeheartedly that we as parents are responsible for the actions of our kids. We raise them and teach them how to be who they are. Parents need to take responsiblity for raising their kids. People often compliment us on our kids and say they ‘hope’ their kids turn out like them. I try to tell them that it’s not chance or luck, but the result of parenting!
    Congrats on your beautiful family- it sounds like you have a great family life and you and your children are happy all together!

  30. I agree with you that children are a blessing and that we should enjoy them. That being said, some days are easier than others. So e times I do feel the need to get away, and I’m not a bad mom for it. I’m a mom who needs time to rejuvenate so I can continue to give my kids the 100% that I know they need! Fortunately, I have a husband who understands that too and supports me in it. Who comes home and helps out as much as he can, who offers to keep kids while I go and do something for myself. It’s important as moms that we don’t beat ourselves up for having needs, too. Our kids learn that they’re important and that mom has a good image of herself and that that’s important too. I have wonderful kids, and I love them, but there’s never a dull moment and sometimes I need that moment to quiet myself and hear The Lord. It’s hard to hear Him sometimes with the hustle and bustle and sometimes we need the quiet to enter our hearts and it takes a moment alone to do that and to learn how to be the better mothers that we want to be in our hearts.

  31. I agree with you! I am an older mother, 2 of my flock have left the nest and my “baby” is 15 and 6’2″! My older 2 live on opposite coasts and when they call I ALWAYS answer! They can count on me to at least answer the phone if I can’t be with them.
    When the oldest was a senior in high school, all the girls had stayed out for homecoming and “decorated” the school. She called me at 4 a.m. to let me know that everything was fine and they were going for breakfast and having fun! Another mother was so annoyed that her child had called at that hour that she didn’t even get the “we are ok and having fun” message. She just criticized her child for calling her at that hour!
    My children know that I will answer and be available for them, even now when they are adults and don’t need me much!
    They are only young for a short time, don’t let it slip away by focusing only on your needs.
    I am often surprised that people don’t consider being a parent a full-time job! I have a paid job, but my job of “mom” is the one I cherish.
    Sorry for the rambling….love your babies!! That is what life is about.

    1. Thanks for the encouragement zunny:) Glad to hear that you are still close with your kids. That is my desire!

    1. Thank you Rachael for stopping by! I think strong emotions prompted me to write this more than bravery;0) But, I am glad it is getting around and people are listening. I hope to encourage moms to enjoy their little ones!

  32. Miss Alison! What another fabulous post darlin’. I love this. Of course being a Mom is full of moments that you want to pull your hair out, but they are just that moments. There are also many many times when your kids do the sweetest things for you and each other. Yesterday my little one came up to me and said, Mom, You are the best cook in the whole world. I said, Oh honey I don’t know about that. He said, No really Mom. You are! And he was convinced. So sweet. So not right, but still so sweet. If we choose to only focus on the negative then that is all we will see. As we reaffirm the good and embrace our role as a Mom we will love it. It is a busy stressful job but I would never trade it. I want to be the one there for my kids. I want to share those tender sweet moments with them. I want to play and life and experience life with them. And yes that includes the temper tantrums too, but I get to be there when they are done and ready for a hug. Thanks for your great insight Alison. You are spot on! Krista @ A Handful of Everything

    1. You’re sweet Krista! How sweet what your son said. Those little comments mean the world to me! I hope your days are filled with many more!

  33. Another Mom reminded me once that I will spend my senior years reminiscing about the ‘best years of my life’ …. the ones I am living right now. The years when my kids were at home. What are we going to remember?

  34. Wow! I haven’t read that article but I’m very glad I ran across yours.
    That is very sad indeed. Children ARE a blessing….they ARE “an INHERITANCE from the Lord” and the greatest blessing of all. Yes, EXTREMELY tough work at times (just like we were as children and ARE STILL at times for our Heavenly Father) but they are one of our greatest callings in life and again (cause it cannot be emphasized enough) greatest of blessings. It is so sad that many in our society don’t see that but they have simply taken hold of one the enemy’s greatest modern-day deceptions. We have probably all heard at one time or another, “What?! You want MORE children! You’re CRAZY!” or “We don’t want kids”. I used to be someone who feared having children simply beacuse I KNEW the amount of work it would take and feared I’d “NEVER BE READY” or be ill-prepared in someway. But then I realized….we all are ill-prepared in some way…that’s where we must remind ourselves, “When I am weak HE is strong” and “I CAN do ALL things through Christ who strenghtens me!” Children grow and they GROW US into being more in line with who God desires for us to be (less SELFISH for one) IF WE ALLOW THEM TO by seeing them as the blessing they are created to be.
    Mark my words, there WILL come a day ALL.TO.SOON when we will weep over the things we have taken for granted and lose the things we failed to appreciate. May we ALL learn to appreciate each and every blessing that we have and be thankful to God in Heaven for His Life, Love and Creation.
    Thank you for standing up for the truth. May you and your family be eternally blessed. :-)

  35. Thank you so much for this! I stumbled upon your blog and this post and it was “just what I needed”! I sat in church this morning with a very wiggly two year old, it was fine with me, but thought to myself how interesting it was that I was getting dirty looks from my fellow parents. Why? don’t they remember this stage? Did it matter that she was asking questions the whole time? No, because when we stood to sing, she sang HER song about God, and it was the sweetest thing ever.
    My oldest was in front of us sitting with her first grade class, where did the time go? I dread them growing up, but want to make sure I am doing the best I can for them, they are my world, and I wouldn’t change it for all of the free time in the world!

    1. Yep. I think a lot of us can account for dirty looks when our kids are doing nothing wrong! Just shopping with two of my kids, while i was pregnant with my third, got me glares and rolled eyes. They were being fine! My kids were not throwing a fit and looked happy. Sometimes we have to just focus on making our kids happy and not worry what other people think! Kids are blessings, they are pint-sized treasures:)

  36. Pingback: 5 Ways to Build Up Toddlers

  37. Alison,
    I am proud of you for writing this. I read the article you are talking about and was horrified that it kept getting shared on facebook.

  38. Hi Alison,
    What a lovely and thought provoking post. I am an empty nester and one of those people who says ‘drink in these years, for they will be gone so fast!’ Advice I have been given as a mourning empty nester is ‘this is YOUR time. You have sacrificed while your children were growing up, now do what you want!’ That went all over me, because all I want is my house full. Over the years, of course there are selfish moments. I see this selfish behavior in young moms today and I can’t help but wonder if it is because so many families are on their own. People move far from families for jobs and have no one to mentor them or help them with their burdens. Such is the case for women in my area. They are alone with husbands who work many hours. Their kids end up in day care or mother’s day out, and the moms have ‘me time’ they want so desperately with wine with the girls and lots of mani peddies and still are lacking. It becomes a vicious circle. Most of the young women I know do listen when I tell them this season of parenting will be gone in a blink. They need more seasoned moms to come along side of them to encourage them.

  39. This post brought tears in my eyes and I couldn’t agree with you more. Nowadays people often expect our children to act as grown ups and their needs and feelings are put aside. ,I admit that I am that parent too sometimes and quite often I get lazy with them cause I just want to be left alone (I have two boys 3yrs and 5yrs) but I quickly remember that this kind of lazyness only harms my kids and complicates my life even more. I am a true beliver that every behiaviour comes from parents and I’m not afraid to admit that I am not always a good mom but the it’s im,portant that I keep trying and improving and I admit my mistakes so I can learn from them!

    It’s my first time on your beautiful and helpful blog, I’ll be coming back for sure! ,

    Take care,

    Marilyn

    1. So glad this post was a blessing. your comment made my day and it is comments like yours that keep me writing! May the Lord remind all of us moms to cherish the fleeting moments we have with our kiddos. SO glad you’ll be coming back!

  40. This is great. I really appreciate you putting into words what I have been thinking. I have several “friends” who I choose not to be around much as they are so negative about motherhood it just really upsets me. We are all different and have different experiences but I also feel we can find positive in everything and your perspective is what- in most cases- needs to be adjusted when you are complaining. Thank you for the blog.

  41. Thank you so much for this artical. I am a mother of a disabled two year old girl. I always get people who pityvme and tell me how hard it must be to carry such a heavy burden! My little girl is a blessing, a joy and so much fun!!! Yes it hard, exhusting and fustrating at times, but I wouldn’t have it any other way! It has encouraged me so much to read about people who feel the same. Thank you and God bless! X

  42. I found your post through Pinterest today, and it is absolutely wonderful! I am mom to 3 boys ages 16, 15 and 10. I have always thought I was maybe a bad mom/wife for not having the house clean, not having dinner cooked from scratch every night, and for having to search through the basket for a pair of socks to wear much more often than we should. Friends have said I should get out for girls weekends, and have a night out for myself each week. I would rather spend my time with my boys. Only in the last couple years have I gone away for my scrapbooking weekend twice a year(and most of that times spent talking about them while I scrapbook pictures of them!). I don’t regret the lack of me time I had. The time comes way too fast when they are out with friends, working or at school activities more than they are home. I have no regrets that snuggle time came before laundry and game time came before cleaning. I’m not saying I didn’t/don’t have days when Ive wanted to pull my hair out. I just have always enjoyed spending time with all my guys more than with anyone else. And thank you for saying thats the way it should be/!

  43. I just came across this post today and I can’t tell you how powerful it is! I wish more people would realize that children are a gift from God and stop taking their blessings for granted. My husband and I have 2 beautiful children and there isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t thank the Lord for allowing me to be their mother. It saddens me when I see a mother in the grocery store talking down to her children or a parent complaining about this or that. They are with us such a short period of time. Yes, it’s hard work, the hardest work I’ve ever done in my life. But it’s the best work I’ve ever done! Anything worth having or being is worth the “work” you put in it. Thank you for this great (and very well written I might add) article. It’s a breath of fresh air and I wish more people could read and live it!

  44. This is a wonderful post and its so true …. my son will be 3 this November and because my husband and i talk to him instead of scream at him he has more manners than most adults… he says please, thank you and yes ma’am when i ask him to do something… i will admit im not a perfect parent i find myself sometimes when im cranky getting loud with him or wanting to just blow up but that was how my mom raised us and i promised myself i wouldnt do that to him…. i take my son isaiah everywhere with me… we go couponing and shopping that is mine and his us time and he loves it because mommy has to work ….. but the one thing i do enjoy is the morning kisses and him telling me how beautiful i am even when i dont look my best. i love my son and there isnt any one part of the day that i dont think about him… so i really understand how moms especially can say ,…. ur getting on my nerves, or i need time away from you… us as mothers shouldnt feel that way at all since we are the ones that spent 9-10 months carrying them and protecting them …. that is one thing i will never tell my son even if i just need 5 min of silence i enjoy his laughter much more…. so thank you for this post it brought tears to my eyes and touched my heart

  45. Oh my GOODNESS!!!! I love your article! Thank you so much for writing it. I didn’t read the article that you are referring to, thank goodness. I probably wouldv’e screamed at my computer. I can’t believe that anyone, Christian or otherwise, would EVER treat there children in that manner. I’m about to be 32 next month and have two daughters, ages 11 and 9. Some people say that I started having kids too early, and maybe I had some growing up to do at the time, but my children are and always have been my world. I love them more than any words could possibly describe and I know they love me back the same way. This post actually made me cry. How dare any parent treat their children as a burden. I don’t understand it. If they don’t want kids, then why did they have them? What did they think was going to happen? They have a baby and it hire a nanny? That’s terrible! It doesn’t make any sense. If they are so freaked out about losing sight of themselves or whatever, they should schedule time with the whole family, with their kids, with just their spouse, and then alone time, and stop being brats. It’s really simple. Parents who genuinely love and cherish their children usually have well-behaved children who love and cherish their parents. So if you have horrible kids, your probably more horrible than they are.

  46. While I appreciate your thoughtfulness in this article and understand the point you are trying to make, I believe you are taking phrases and ideas from the referenced article out of context. I have read that article and it was merely using sarcasm and humor to defend the thoughts most all parents have: guilt for not thinking they are good enough parents. I understand to some it may seem cruel to have those thoughts, but to some it may seem humorous that someone would put those words to the feelings most parents have about parenting: that it is freaking hard! And some parents are blessed with typically developing children who have easy temperaments and are already natural-born parents. Some parents have a child with special needs or an extreme temperament who are much more difficult to teach appropriate behavior to and may already need more help as a parent. Every person is in a different place as a parent and I don’t feel it is anyone’s position to judge them. As someone who works with toddlers for a living, I will say most people are being the best parents they know how to be and doing the best job they can with the knowledge they have. As “Christians,” I would really hope rather than continuing to judge the parents of our generation, you could try to be more understanding and supportive to these people who feel they are at their wits end and only looking for some humor to get them through the guilt they might feel as inadequate parents. I realize this might seem offensive but I really feel many problems in our society and children might be helped if we could all do a better job of supporting each other and keeping an open mind rather than judging every person who comes along, the things they say, the clothes they wear, the ink on their skin, etc. Let’s give most parents (even our generation) the benefit of the doubt and provide them with resources to understand the difficulty of parenting and the support to get through the tough times. Most people will use these “cruel” remarks or complaints as a defense mechanism to mentally get through it. It doesn’t mean they love their children less or don’t appreciate their children.

  47. We are raising 7 children, our oldest being 9 and our youngest two being10 months and 2 weeks.There are plenty of sleepiness nights and behaviors to train and mold. You are right in saying their behavior is a reflection of my parenting. I wish all moms found the same joy in raising kids I do but many parents face challenges I will never understand so giving grace to them is so important.I am thankful for the grace God gives me when I’m having a bad day, or week or month! Great post!

    1. Thanks Emily! Nice to hear some positive feedback and I am so encouraged to hear other parents that treasure their kids! I am not a perfect mom, but I strive to be so my kids will have a happier childhood!

  48. While I believe you have a genuine heart for your family and for God’s Word, I question your freedom to bash the writer of the post you’re referencing. I read his article. Some may consider satire and sarcasm to be associated with humor. Obviously you do not. I think your post may have gone further to exhort God’s Word had you avoided comparison, negativity and discrediting another Believer based on your perspective. Offering a link would help your readers make up their own minds.

    1. I enjoy sarcastic humor that is not against the teachings of the Bible–like loving your kids (Titus 2). Or that we should consider children anything more than what God calls them “An heritage of the Lord.” No one should be praised when they tell parents that just because they want to drink and never stop when they hear their child’s voice that they are a bad parent. I do not include the link because I do not support the post. Adding links is something bloggers do to help each other with traffic. It is not hard to find the post if someone wants to read it.

  49. And for the record…500 characters was not enough for all my thoughts and to wrap my comments to you in grace. :) Thank you for living The Lord and thank you for loving your family.

    1. I know Mandy, sometimes there is more to say than what fits in 500 characters:) We had to do that because people were wanting to use my blog as a platform to write such long comments–the length of a blog post. Any long drawn out comments can simply be emailed to me.

  50. This article was showing compassion to parents and he was stating how it can be exhausting raising small kids but with support and the grace of God you can do it. Btw, at the end of his blog there is a link to raise money…He is running in some race to help Ethiopian prostitutes to help them get a better life. I think this is a man full of compassion not a narcissist.

  51. This blog post and the comments show why so many of us feel guilt and loneliness when parenting is hard. We feel guilty because we have feelings that the culture represented here thinks are incorrect. I thank God for my toddler every day; the joy she brings me is overwhelming. But I battle feelings of desperation too. I think these are the feelings of a growing, conscious human being. Honesty about our struggles is so much more transforming than being told that having certain feelings is wrong.

  52. I think there is a lot of good advice here for people who choose to be parents, but to be fair I’d be curious to read the article that inspired this response. I couldn’t find a link to it, and it’s hardly fair to speak badly of someone’s opinion without giving the general public an opportunity to judge for themselves.

    1. I can send you the link, if you would like. But I am not publishing it here, because we share links with other blogs to help them out—give them traffic. Just let me know if you still can’t find it and I will be happy to email you the link. I will not email you without your permission!

  53. Holeen Sunderland

    Sometimes it feels like I am alone, wanting to be the Mother I have always wanted to be….Since I was young, all I wanted was children of my own. It saddens me that people don’t cherish every minute… it goes by so quick, and how can they only think of themselves… and then look at those little eyes and tell them to go away? It amazes me that they don’t see the wonder of a Child… Thank you for posting this! Its just what I needed to hear!

    1. Holeen,
      Your words gave me an extra blessing today! So glad to hear from another mom that cherishes this short time we have with our little ones!

  54. We love our ‘lil guy and are super excited about our baby girl due in January. I was always told what a crybaby I was by my mom, and that really hurt. She would go on and on about how hard I was to deal with but how easy my brother was. Parents, be careful what you say. It sticks. Thankfully I have an amazing dad who vouches that I wasn’t that bad. ;) So, even when my son is having a hard day, I focus on the good things about that day and enjoy those precious laughs, smiles, and hugs. :)

  55. Thank you so much for writing this. Wow!! I am a narcissistic parent and I did not even realize it, I just have known something was off. I do feel like MY time is threatened by my children and even my husband. I do not want to be that person. I have been seeking God and working on setting aside me, me, me to be more about Loving my family. You are a great writer and I needed this thank you and God bless.

    1. Christine,
      Thank you for your honesty! That is exactly the time God brings us to the next level in our roles as wives and mothers. If you are seeking God, you can only go up! So great to hear this encouragement. Your kids have a lot to be thankful for—an honest mom that strives to walk with the Lord and be a better mom!

  56. I enjoyed reading this. I consider myself over the moon with my girls, hoping this happiness never ends. Sure my teenager will talk back sometimes, sure my toddler throws tantrums, but I just want to spend every second with them and I thank God every night for them. It’s hard to imagine that not all people find this much joy in parenting because my children make me so happy.

  57. I was just saying to myself yesterday how it was my fault my daughter wasn’t doing well in her math class because
    I had been lazy and not made sure she was doing everything she should be doing. I absolutely agree 100 percent with your article. We blame so much on others and if we would stand up and be accountable for ourselves how much better this world would be.

    1. Thanks Angel for the positive feedback!
      Yes, I hope the Lord helps me to always improve my mothering skills! I think we can always make improvements. I home-school and feel with you about how other things can distract us from helping our kids succeed in academics. You are on a great start! Trying to improve your mothering skills will only produce positive effects! Thanks for stopping by:)

  58. “This present generation of parents tend to view their elders as uneducated fogies, but this same generation is the one raising a bunch of irrational, overly medicated children.”
    A child such as mine who has ADHD benefits greatly from meds, after we as parents suffered for YEARS trying desperately to help him – under the very hairy eyeballs of our parents. Unless you live it, you don’t know it, so don’t judge it. Christians seem to have trouble with that, despite their holy teachings.

    1. I do not know your personal story, but do know that there is way too many kids being dubbed “overactive” by our generation. They are wild, unhappy and their behavior is less than desirable. Again, I do not know your personal situation, but I have met with many moms that just threw their hands up and rarely disciplined or spent quantity time with their kids. They expected meds to fix all the behavioral issues, instead of looking deeper. My post was to encourage parents to enjoy their kids–now!

  59. I am in tears there is nothing more that I want then to hear my daughters voice or know who she would be today. See she died at birth before she could even take a breath she was dead. My heart breaks everytime I witness parents being as you have described. Narssisitic. They are a gift not a millstone. Thank you for your courage to say what should be said.

  60. Jessica Fitzpatrick

    Hello,

    A friend recommended I read this blog about selfish parents. I also read the article ” To the Parents of young children, let me be the one to say it out loud” which was written by a very honest pastor. I am shocked at how you twisted this original article. I challenge you to post it for your readers and let them judge for themselves.

  61. Jessica Fitzpatrick

    Hello,

    A friend encouraged me to read this. I also read the article you refer to ” To the parents of young children let me be the one to say it out loud” and am frankly shocked at how badly you misrepresented the facts and spirit of the article. I challenge you to post it so your readers can decide.

    Jessica

    1. Hi Jessica,

      If you take time to read other comments you will see most of the people who commented already read the article as well. I am not accused of twisting words or not noticing the sarcasm unless someone agrees with that author’s thoughts. Again, I will not post a link to the article since I do not support it. I am not hiding anything, only refusing to support an article that will only encourage parents to keep self-centered thoughts and attitudes. Yes parenting is tough, but kids are worth it—they don’t need to hear negative comments about raising kids!

  62. My point is your comment is stereotypical of those who judge quickly without knowing all the facts. We are better educated today in understanding the brain and how it functions. Yes, there might be parents who don’t take time to teach their children how to behave, but more than likely they are trying as hard as they can to work with a child who was born with a brain that is different than your “normal” child’s. A lot more patience and work goes into trying to achieve the same results.

    1. I understand your point, but the author of the other post as well as I was speaking about the majority of kids–not ones with special needs. I do know people that have autistic children and yes, they needed extra grace, but sought God for wisdom and followed his guidance with their child-rearing and their kids were well-behaved and not unruly. I only desire to encourage parents to enjoy their kids and desire to be the parents they should be.

  63. If someone is having those thoughts, the Christian response should be to pray daily for healing and a heart of joy. We shouldn’t say that it’s okay because parenting it tough.
    It’s great to know there are other moms who are so passionate about their children. We made the decision to cherish our children, even in those more difficult moments. I’d rather be waking 10 times per night with my child than discover he will never wake again. Praise the Lord for night wakings! Even at 3 or 4 yrs old.

  64. I would just love to offer a little balance here. I think your points are mostly good. It’s important that we remember first and foremost what wonderful gifts our children are. You judge quite harshly, though, the ones who are trying to admit that parenting isn’t all glorious. They go too far with their words, I agree, and the Bible cautions against that, but I’m not sure that you labeling them narcissitic is kind hearted either.

    1. I 100% agree.

      Allison, this post was nothing but judgmental and harsh. Who are you to know what other mothers are going through? Who are you to judge who are bad parents and who are “good” parents? Based on how their TWO year old acts? Who are you to call someone narcisstic and selfish? Ye who has no sin, cast the first stone….

  65. How refreshing to read this blog!! I always considered myself odd man out with most moms that I meet because I LOVE to spend time with my child! I home-school and cherish every waking moment of his childhood. I cringe when I hear the word “me time” because it is typically used by people I’m acquainted with that act like they despise being around their own children. Yes, time to yourself and with your husband is essential, but that is after my child goes to bed…it’s not that complicated.

  66. This article really blessed me and I needed to read it. I enjoy staying home with my girls but I have been feeling overwhelmed lately. Reading this helped me remember my goals and desires about what I want for my girls and who I want to be as a parent. I would say that my feelings are pretty much exactly what this article said, I just needed to remember that. I also would rather spend time with my family than anyone else in the world. Even on bad days, I don’t ever want to leave my girls :)

    1. Thanks Jenny! You were so sweet to comment and I am glad this inspired you even more! If you do have other questions about parenting, please email me at alison.pintsizedtreasures@gmail.com. Some comments and questions about parenting are better answered in an email. I did not have enough room to answer your other thoughts on tantrums. It’s up to you though! Thanks again for the encouragement!

  67. Thank you for the article and taking time to tell the truth. I have never understood how parents do not enjoy every second of time with their little one. I thought for a very long time it was not in God’s plan for me to have a little one and finally he granted that wish a desire. I thank God everyday for her even when she is kicking me in the ribs at 2 am because she is sick and sleeping in my bed. Or when we been up half the night and I have to be up in an hour or two. I wouldn’t trade it.

  68. I just wanted to thank you for your whole blog, but this post in particular! I have a son of 17 months, and he sure is a handful! There were/are many times when I feel I just can’t wait until he goes to sleep so that I can get some precious “me-time”. I look at myself and realize that if I just have fun with him, we’ll both be so much happier, rather than trying to do “me” things when he’s craving attention and play. It’s nice to hear it from someone else too.

    You are an inspiration!

    Michelle

    1. Michelle,

      Thanks for your encouragement! When I get busy and wonder if my writing is making a difference, I am encouraged by comments such as yours. You are so right! I am much happier when I stop and play with my kids! Playing with them is a BIG de-stresser! There is something about the laugh of a child and the affection they give.

  69. DaughterofNarcissisticMother

    It’s true, even full time working moms want even MORE time away from their kids. I liken it to a young child who wanted a pet. A baby is a HUMAN BEING. It will grow over time, it requires raising. A baby must be taught, & a baby is not always convenient. But if a mother perpetually views her child as a nuisance, rather than a blessing, the impact on the child is significant & lasting. I am a victim of this type of parenting, & I question my own ability to parent differently than my mother did.

  70. I can’t thank you enough for your words of wisdom; these words have just been an answer to prayer. I’ve been really struggling lately with my 2 year old and 7 month old girls not knowing what to do and have been praying fervently for help with the frustration and sense of being immensely overwhelmed. In honesty I live for nap time and didn’t even see that I had started to see my lovely gifts as a burden. This blog has reminded me of what is important, thank you.

    1. So glad this post was a blessing to you Elizabeth! I know what it is like to have kids so close in age. My youngest are 13 months apart. It is a busy time in life, but enjoy those tiny feet and warm cuddles! Thank you for your kind comment. :)

  71. Maybe it’s because I’m an older parent of a young child, so I have a little different perspective. (I’m old enough to be the mother of some of the other parents in my son’s 1st grade class.) But here’s a news flash: EVERY generation has viewed its elders as out-of-touch old fogies. What is new about that? Have you ever heard the ’60s free-speech mantra “Don’t trust anyone over 30?”

  72. GREAT article. Our generation of parents DEFINITELY needs an attitude adjustment–me included. The only thing I wondered is this: How do YOU “consistently discipline” your children? I could really use some SOLID advice. I feel like my 2.5 year-old is DEAF most of the time. I am constantly chasing him out of things he has been told not to do or touch many times. Help.

  73. I hate when people complain to me about how hard parenting is and when I try and give advice, I’m told that “I don’t have children so I don’t understand”. (Mind you I’ve taken care of other peoples kids since I was 13 years old, I’m now 28) but even worse is just how hurtful it is for me to hear people complain about their kids. I’m three years into trying to have a child with my husband. I would so love to have morning sickness, be swollen up like a ballon, squeeze out some giant baby who leaves my body stretched and exhausted, to have screams wake me up, a snotty face sneeze on my new shirt. Because I know with all of those things, comes the I love yous, the hugs and kisses, the joys of laughter at the park, the first time they speak or take a step, that first time they dip their toes in the sand. People have no idea how good they have it. Saying your kids drive you nuts hurts more than just your children. It hurts people like me, who would gladly trade places with you.

  74. This is so sweet. And yes, they grow up too fast. Mine are now 21 and 19. I was a single mom for many years and so very much loved the cuddle and couch time before bed when I would read to them. I suggest people not become parents until they are done being selfish. To be a good parent requires sacrifice and hard work, especially through the teen years. Keep speaking the truth and don’t listen to the negative Nelly’s out there. Those folks aren’t done being selfish yet.

  75. Just wanted to say hi and let you know that I resound with a lot of what you’re saying. HOWEVER, I wanted to point out that the whining, tantrum-ing, fit-throwing, is not the fault of the parent–but ultimately the fault of the sinful nature of the child. I just think that line of thinking is REALLY dangerous when taken to the nth degree. Otherwise, yes, being a parent is an exhausting blessing full of joy not burden…but ONLY through His power and His might…not ours. xo.

  76. I secretly wonder how terribly difficult it is to raise kids. I know there are plenty of times of inconvenience and being consistent can be really taxing. But delighting in your children, pouring into their lives, the privilege of witnessing them grow and learn, seeing them play together, think of others, etc. are blessings that take up the majority of my days. In my mind I do a very average job compared to what I could be doing, and mine have turned out phenomenally. Maybe its just a fluke.

  77. I really enjoyed the post! I too dread the day when my chicks leave the nest. I have to say, when people shoot the “Boy you have your hands full” I always shoot back, “Better full, then empty!”
    It grieves me that so many people don’t see the beautiful gift that God has placed in thier hands! I don’t always do things right, but I know that I am blessed beyond words to have my precious family! They make my life worth living.
    ~Jen (Homeschooling mother of 6 boys, and 1 girl)

  78. I can’t say enough how much I enjoyed reading this post. I, myself, enjoy “me” ( I think it’s normal to) but I wouldn’t change being a mommy for anything. You are right, children are a gift from God..a blessing we should all be grateful to have. Time passes too quickly…can’t afford to not live in the moment & take it all in…sometimes when I’m rocking my daughter to sleep, instead of lying her down afterwards, I hold onto her while she sleeps just to enjoy that time:) Ty for the reminder:)

  79. i love this post, here in my little town in the uk, selfish parenting seem to have become the norm and i hate it! my biggest pet hate is that these people have kids then are counting the days till they start nursery ( can start at 2 years old) but normal age intake is three, people complain that my daughter isnt in nursery yet she’s only two. why have a child to have someone else do your job. then when that child is clingy and wont give them five minutes peace they blame their child!

  80. Congratulations! This article is great and nothing but the thruth. Is right that as parents we don’t have to forget we are persons and we need our “me” time to keep our mental sanity, but a lot of people forget that parenting is a beautiful sacrifice, our life will never be the same as it use to be when we were single, but is FINE, we agree with this compromise of love deciding we will have kids. A lot of this generation parents don’t want to give up their lifestyles, ….continue

  81. Thank you for this post. I REALLY needed to read it to get my head on straight. I am in near tears this morning reading through this post and your other parenting posts, realizing how selfish I have become as a parent. Too often I just let myself off the hook for my bad behavior because “I’m a single parent.” That is no excuse. THANK YOU for this. Thank you thank you.

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  83. (referred by everythingtosomeone.com) Conversations about parenting are often backwards. We feel like we’re haughty if we’re happy, but real if we’re complaining. Christians are called to a high, high standard of living. Yes, it is amazing that God chose to demonstrate His grace through such wicked, depraved sinners; but let our humility and joy be the signs of His grace, not our wallowing in sin and selfishness. Thank you for your thoughts and your kind, but truthful responses to comments.

  84. As a parent of toddlers, I find merit in both articles. I feel both are equally Christian, honest and helpful, it’s really just about audience. I found the referenced article refreshing because I’m parenting in the Pinterest age where everything must be beautiful, photographed, shared, perfect. Hearing ” parenting can suck, you’re ok” was helpful. But I also agree with you parents cannot expect to have 0 change to their lives and be effective. The prior article intended to entertain not teach.

  85. Oh Gosh….this.. is really bring me tear to my eyes..
    How I have been awful mom for not enjoying fully..
    So speechless & beyond words.. thank you for making me realize this..
    Ur article means a lot to me, personally..
    I’m from Indonesia, btw. Thank you again..

  86. Even though I don’t have kids yet, this really touched my heart. I really hope you continue blogging especially when I eventually have kids. Your kids are truly blessed to have a mom like you :)

  87. Rosilind @ A Little R & R

    This is one of the best posts I have ever read on this subject. The “Mom’s Day Out” posts discourage me so much because I rarely – if ever – am able to have such a day. I went through the pity-party stage and it only added stress to our home. Now I choose to view my role as a blessing and my children (good days and bad days) as the precious treasures that they are. This is such an awesome task – to push it off on to another would be irresponsible. Besides, I don’t want to miss a moment!

  88. I couldn’t agree more! I love my time with my kids and my husband. The best and hardest job is being a parent but I wouldn’t trade it for the world!

  89. Savana L. Hemsly

    I don’t know what to think. Reading your blog has taken me from the very heights of emotions ranging from anger to despair. So are you all saying that it is not normal to feel overwhelmed or to feel like you just need to get away for a few hours? Doesn’t the bible teach that you must take care of yourself before you can be of use to and take care of others? I agree people tend to want to take everything to an extreme or another but don’t you think that if they are extreme in their selfishness you could be just a bit extreme in your selflessness; not taking care of you can be a huge mistake?

    1. Hi Savana,

      Thx for stopping by. Just wanted to bring this paragraph up again in this post:

      “I will not lie. I enjoy some “me” time, but do I live for me time? No. I find great joy and satisfaction in time with my kids and time with my husband. I am not constantly trying to connive a plan to get out of the house while convincing others that I need just a little bit of “me” time.”

      Sure, I enjoy some quiet time alone, but LIVING for it is something else. This post was written to try to open parent’s eyes and hearts to some hidden selfishness. When all we can think about is shutting out our kids so we can enjoy leisure is not pleasing to God. Not sure what verse you are referring to in the Bible that teaches you to take care of yourself before others, in fact some verses teach the exact opposite.

      “Look not every man on his own things, but every man also on the things of others.” We should be focused on other’s needs, and when we do that it does bring joy! I get time away from my kids during nap time and bedtime. I use that time to read my Bible, pray, write, exercise and clean. It is a nice refreshing time, however, if I do not get that time, it is OK. I will live. I don’t want my kids to think that all I look forward to is leaving the house and getting some peace and quiet. I want my kids to know that I enjoy my time with them!

  90. My identity is not just mom/wife. God gave me various talents, hobbies, interests, passions and callings. I love my kids and husband with all my heart, but I can leave my house alone without feeling “lonely”. My husband is my best friend, and although I have a joyful/nurturing relationship with my kids…they are not my “closest friends on this earth”. I need adult social interaction. I need time for me, because personally, I am called to more than being mom/wife. There has to be BALANCE.

  91. What a breath of fresh air!! Is it something specific to large families? I have 7 kids. Do the type of parent you describe just love kids so much that they have lots? Or does having lots of kids change the way your prioritize?

    1. I can’t speak for everyone, but I know I was still upset when I heard such negative things about kids when I only had two, so I wouldn’t say it’s a characteristic of only large families. In fact, I know several couplse that only have one or two and don’t say negative things about their kids and do not have a selfish parenting attitude. I think it depends on each individual, large family or small. Thanks for sharing your thoughts!

  92. Thank you for sharing! It was so encouraging. My kids bring so much joy and wonder to my life. I am glad to find positive encouraging voices reminding me that my children are blessings.

  93. Wow, a very thought provoking post!
    I adore my kids and strive each day to become a better mum for them. I suffer from post-natal depression, but reading things like this, inspire me to keep trying and praying to become the mum I want to be! It took me 2 and 1/2 years to fall pregnant with my first child, then I suffered a miscarriage before my second baby arrived – so I am truely blessed with my 2 gifts from God. I think some parents don’t realise how blessed they are! Thanks for sharing!

  94. I think that parenting is one of the highest callings that a mom can have. The problem with parenting these days has become the “right” way we are supposed to do it…ridiculous extras that consume all of the time. The pinterest perfect homes, gluten-free, all natural foods, holiday activities that are WAY over the top, etc, etc. What I’ve come to realize that it’s really all of these extras that steal my “me” time….not my kids. And THAT is unacceptable.

  95. Cool article, I enjoyed your experiences but I am being critically honest when I say that I would have enjoyed it a lot more without the passive-aggresive reference to some unnamed other pastor/ “narcissistic parent”. Please have the courage to post the link to the article you are referencing and allow people to make up their own minds instead of presenting a very brief opinionated synopsis and referencing it to “that other guy who you all probably know.”

    1. Hi!
      It’s not about not having courage to link to his article, it’s not wanting to send any traffic that way. But, I will think about it. Most of us bloggers share links to other posts in order to send them some traffic. It’s a way we encourage and scratch other people’s backs. Though I am not angry with that writer, I do not want to promote the article. But, I will consider what you have said. Thanks for your input!

  96. Danielle @ More Than Four Walls

    Excellent perspective. I do believe MOST parents are trying to do a good job and need encouragement BUT, they also need a bit of constructive advice such as this.

    Parenting isn’t about us and our me time – it’s about raising up godly children who are equipped to serve the Lord. God has had me reevaluate my prior ties over the last few weeks for this very reason. I forgot the Kingdom work and was too worried about the earthly works.

    Thanks for reposting this!

  97. Where was this post when I was pregnant?!? I suffered from depression during pregnancy, and much of it was fueled by the constant negativity toward parenting I saw online — so many articles about how children ruin your life, and marriage, etc. However, once my son was born, that all changed. Yes, there are hard days and nights, but it is so, so worth it. I agree with everything you said, 100%. Children are such a precious blessing. I, too, have found when my son is acting out, i need to . . .

  98. re-evaluate what I am doing. My mom once told me that children just want the approval and attention of their parents — and I think that’s so true. I’m so lucky to be a mother, and I’m grateful I stumbled upon your blog. I started my own blog after I had my son, with one of my purposes being to put positive stories and information about parenting and children online. I think your post is definitely one I’ll be pointing others to in the future :) Thank you for being willing to share!

  99. I haven’t read the other article, but I love yours. I think we had a short time where we were able to acknowledge that parenting is hard. Instead of staying in an area of balancing truth w/blessing, we just kept adding to it & we’ve completely forgotten how often the Bible refers to children as a blessing & a gift. Everything focuses on the hard & we live in a selfish world. I thank you for the article, & even more for addressing how it has permeated Christians just as much as the world.

  100. I seriously could not agree more!! Too many people my age take parenting way too lightly. It’s hard work and you need to really think about what is best for the child. NOT WHAT IS BEST FOR YOUR OWN SANITY!! Granted, don’t drive yourself nuts. But taking me time every other day is insanity. None of them can discipline either and then wonder what’s going on. It’s your own fault, and YOU are the one who needs to figure it out!!

    Thank you for posting this, really.

  101. Melinda Weddle

    After the week I’ve had I really needed to read this. Honestly it makes me feel refreshed and ready to enjoy my babies when they wake up tomorrow. Love this. Thank you.

  102. I saw this on Pinterest this morning and it was EXACTLY what I needed to read. I used to find only joy in parenting but the more active my 9 month old had been and the more demanding my 4 year old gets the more exhausted I get and the more overwhelmed I allow myself to feel.
    This post is such an encouragement and reminds me to stop, slow down and enjoy them fully.
    Thank you SO much.

  103. I really needed this today. There are many days where I forget to appreciate my children but when I read things like this I know I need to get a grip. Thank you so much for these words. Kids are a ton of work but when you truly invest in them they know it and just shine. Its so much easier to be there for your child if you put down the smart phones and whatnot that we are all consumed with. Stop facebooking about what a brat you have and get to the heart of the matter.

  104. Thanks for writing this! I definintly have days when I am SO selfish and have my own agenda & you know what? It is much harder on everyone! When I step back & be the servant that God calls me to be; when I stop doing my list to sit down & color or play Little People, my day goes so much better. It has been a very rough few days and looking back it is because I have been that selfish parent. Thanks for the reality check and being iron to sharpen iron…instead of just making people happy :)

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  106. As the grown daughter of a narcissistic mother, mother of many & someone who herself struggles to be what I consider a “good mom”, I applaud you. I’m so disgusted by what seems like every single blog I read. By the thousand “your not a bad mother if you…(insert act here)!” blogs. Likely chances are that you are in fact a selfish mother, wife, person, Christian. Most of us are. The problem is not admitting it’s an issue. Calling it normal & patting each other on the back is just what’s wrong.

  107. I have sympathy for parents who want a LITTLE time to reorient themselves mentally. Judiciously used, it can set a good example. E.g, “I’m am really frustrated. I’m going to have a time-out for ten minutes so I can calm down.”

    I also think it is good to set an example of taking good care of yourself. I’ve seen a lot of the martyr parent type (with horribly spoiled kids) so I’m probably biased :) That said, I think you are spot-on about the other end of the spectrum!

  108. Perfectly put! I might grumble to myself when woken up in the middle of the night because of a bad dream or when my daughter gets out of bed…again…to ask for another glass of water. But we have such a short amount of time with them. I think it depends on your attitude – if you look at having children in your life as a blessing, then the inconveniences will seem smaller and more manageable.

  109. I would have to agree. A lot of what I see is empty encouragement and not enough challenge to parents to go the extra mile, but to remain content and coddle themselves. Excellent post.

  110. I want to join with others in thanking you for this post. I, too, had that article all over Pinterest and even linked or recommended to other articles I was reading. While reading it I considered it all cynical joking. However, as you have said, others take it with full seriousness. This saddens me. I want to continue to show my little guy God’s love, which is sacrificial and costly. It is the cost of discipleship I want my children to learn, and how to be servants. Through that we are royalty!

  111. I agree with what you are saying here EXCEPT , I am highly surprised you would included parents who medicate their kids “to make them listen” that to me, is like saying people have their kids wear plastic on their faces to make them see! It’s one thing to say someone isn’t teaching their kids and therefore have problematic children… it’s another to judge a parent when they are actually helping their children by using the miracle of modern medicine to supply a vital chemical that’s missing.

  112. I think for someone who doesn’t take a lot of me timeline yourself you sure take the time to answer to everyone’s comments and to write in your blog. Isn’t that considered time to get away and do what you want and to reflect? Why is it bad then for others to want to have some time away?

    1. I am thinking the exact same thing as I read this! I agree with the above response in regards to having an identity beyond mom/wife. Blogging is a passion that requires “me” time. I think it is good to fill yourself with things that fuel you, but it is important to recognize everyone requires different fuel and admit blogging is your fuel. I didn’t completely agree with the post, but it was well written and made some good points. I am glad the author found a way to reach out and help others, but it must also be self fulfilling to be worth doing. There is NO WAY all this blogging can be done during naptime. If so, when are bills being paid, house being cleaned, dinner being prepared??

      1. Hi Mom of two,

        Just wanted you to know I have only been blogging for only two years, and really only one consistently. Yes, I do blog during nap and at bedtime. My kids lay down at 1 and get up between 3 or 4. They also go to bed at 8, so I start again at 8. I do enjoy blogging, but it’s not entirely “me” time. It is work to help my family financially and I do enjoy it, but I have chosen to give up my “me” time that was during naptime so I could bring in extra income for the family. I use to nap, read a book etc. during nap…now I work. But, I only do that 4-5 days per week. I do not pay the bills, my husband does that. My kids and I clean constantly and I plan quick and easy meals which you can find here on the website. Btw, blogging is not my fuel, though I do enjoy it. Like I said, I have only been blogging for two years, and there is much more to life than work and blogging! My family comes first, and my blog is put to the side when ministry or family needs come up. I constantly try time-saving tricks so I can be the most efficient with my time. Plus, the more frequently you write, the faster and easier it becomes.

    2. Hi!

      It may do some good for you to re-read the post. I never said it was bad to get away. In fact, if you read my other posts you would see I ENCOURAGE moms to take 20-30 minutes every day to re-group, rest etc. I actually don’t respond to everyone’s comments and this post has been up for about a year. Where moms go wrong is LIVING for free time and thinking that “me” time is where they get their true happiness from. Plus, I try not to take too much time away from my kids. I blog during nap and bedtime…and it isn’t a hobby, it is a job. Part of my job is to reply to comments…sometimes I get to them, sometimes I don’t.

  113. It’s really difficult to see the good when I feel selfish, but when I remember that this is the life that I always wanted, that God has answered my every prayer, my every genuine desire, all I can do is beg for forgiveness. I have prayed so hard for light on my path, to see reminders of the good. I have gotten a lot of that lately, reading this article being one of those things. I have been so much more joyful and our home has been more peaceful. Thank you for the blessing of your reminder!

  114. I really like this post. Although I only have one child it can be a struggle to find balance between re-charging yourself so that you can be a better more effective parent and being too self centered. The only way that we can do it is by team work. My husband and I take turns on bedtime and bathtime to give each other both one on one time with our daughter and a little alone time for ourselves. We feel this is important for her relationship with us and for us to be the best parents we can.

  115. my daughter all most got hit by a car today. I was at work and my husband was “In charge of her. Her disobedience all most got her dead. If I say stay here she listens to me. When dad speaks she only here’s in her head I’ll do what I want. I come home from work, he instantly projects his anger and frustration on me when I have no clue what happened. I hug him and say he is allowed to be mad at her disobedience but not allowed to project it on me when I was not even there. PRAY FOR ME PLEASE

  116. Loved your article, just would have liked to see the idea of homeschooling, touched on. Since pulling my kids from public school, and having my blessed handfull with me, all day, i have fallen into a deeper and more precious realtionship with my children. I believe it (homeschooling) goes hand in hand with being a more relaxed and happier mama! *Not always perfect days but many more pleasant and blissful days of motherhood.

  117. Amen! I am just amazed at the parents who want their kids involved in their lives and what they want instead of getting involved in their kids lives. When I had kids it stop being about me when the first one was born. I am not perfect and we all complain at times but I wouldn’t trade anything for myself in exchange for being involved in my kids lives and activities.

  118. I am not a mom but with all my heart wish i was. My sister once asked me why i want her kids to come with me anywhere because all they are is a pain and want everything. My response was, ‘i like to have someone to talk to in the car on the way there, i like walking down the toy aisle i like talking about them (not me) and EXPLAINING to them why they dont need that “new toy.” Everytime. She was stunned. be aware these kids will take care of us one day. They will do onto us as we have to them

  119. i still babysit regularly at age 30. I know there are parents thinking i wouldn’t understand because i’m not a mother but i am a teacher, a roll model, a friend, a babysitter, a safe person, a mentor and kids know it. I work w/ kids of all ages. I work with the kids whose parents would rather be selfish. Most kids want their parents attention and love. Often These kids don’t know how to ask a parent because they don’t feel they can ask or don’t even know how to carry a conversation w/ parents

  120. I couldn’t agree with you more!!! I love spending time with my baby and I hate it when I hear my friends or other people say that the minute my maternity leave ends going back to work will be a vacation. And a lot of people don’t understand when I say “no thank you” when they offer to take my son “off my hands” so I can go out and “enjoy myself”. It makes me sad so many think children are a burden!

  121. Thank you! I came across this post via Facebook, and I feel it was very much needed. I just had a morning with my daughter where she was craving for attention but I was too busy focusing on me. I really needed this reality check.

  122. I thought I was alone in the universe! I’m constantly sewing & crafting for them. Making special magical plans for one of a kind moments for them hoping that’s the memories they will charish when they are older. I Feel like the only parent who doesn’t look foward to finding a babysitter for the weekend! Don’t get me wrong some days I want to pull my hair out. Finally an artical about truth of parents & they made me feel like the “wierd” one. But like you said it’s old school way of parenting

  123. Amazing article!! I am so glad you heard God’s call to write it and help keep us all accountable!! God bless you!!

  124. Those parents who agree about wanting “me time” are usually expressing a need for someone to understand their frustrations and, probably, exhaustion. The answer to this is not sharing all of the wonderful sweet things our children sometimes do and saying, “How can you not LOVE that?!” Of course that is easy to appreciate! True encouragement for moms in the trenches comes from other moms who share ABOUT the trenches, though. Mothering is worth it for reasons way beyond sweet cards & compliments!

  125. I agree with most of this article. I am troubled by 1 thing. You seemed to imply that if a child has to take medication to be able to focus, it was due to poor parenting. After working with my son for years, I realized that he truly needed meds to help him focus. Please don’t say that all children that need this type of medication is due to poor parenting. It hurts. Please don’t judge me. I spend TONS of time with my son helping him in every way that I can.
    Thank you for listening to my heart.

  126. I have a big issue with the accusations and qualifications you claim make a “selfish” mother. I am anything but a selfish mother, yet In this blog you claim I am and a narcissist. You have given lovely examples of how wonderful you are as a mother, and if this box was bigger I could do the same thing. I don’t have issue admitting I enjoy me time, a glass of wine and “Scandal”. I guess you have your THEORY and don’t want to admit something that would condemn you right along with us narcissists.

  127. It has always bothered me when I would see parents that could not or would not admit when the lacking, or failing in the home was THEIR fault, and the child was always blamed. Kids do act out and need guidance, correction etc, but I agree completely with you that sometimes the fault can lie with mom and dad, and the behavior of the child is simply a consequence. Well put, well written!

  128. Hi Alison,
    This was a post I needed to read tonight. I read some of the negative comments as well and I would say that it’s doubtful anyone thinks parenting is a cake walk and I don’t think you are suggesting that. I think when we consistently put OUR needs and OUR desires above the happiness and health of our children is when we fall into the narcissistic trap. This doesn’t mean we need to be perfect just mindful. I found your words encouraging to keep striving to be a good Christian mother.

  129. I read a blog post from a mother who pointed out that there was not one spot in the Bible where it said we needed to have “me time.” This hit me hard because I was so upset I never got a moment to myself staying home w/ the children & schooling them as well. I changed my thinking and things just didn’t seem bad at all any longer. God has greatly blessed my family and when one stops to look they will see the blessings everywhere. Thanks for reminding me we help direct our family attitude as moms

  130. Compassion and kindness can go a long way. In my case, being a mom was exhausting bc my son has a violent mood disorder and my abusive ex hub wasn’t much help Yes, there were days I didn’t like DS, quite frankly, it’s hard to like someone who yells at you all day. But we got through it and he is a teen with a heart of gold. You never know what others are going through, judging them based on your home life and reality doesn’t help. Seek first to understand before trying to be understood.

  131. The fatal flaw of your article is believing that you as a parent dictate the behavior of your children. While I agree that parents have great influence on their children, only God can change a persons heart. Children are born with an intrinsic sinful nature as does every person (Romans 1-3). We cannot change this on our own nor can legislate morality that leads to righteous in our children; that’s the redemptive work of the Holy Spirit brought about by God’s Word.

  132. As with most opinions that get posted on the internet I find that appropriate balance is lacking. if you truly believe that the previous writers honesty regarding his emotional response to his struggles is evil, then what must you think of King David as he prays that God would destroy his enemies, a fate far worse than being nearly drowned, or some vague reference towards a threat. Rejoice with those who rejoice, mourn with those who mourn. Great that your world is wonderful, sorry his is not.

  133. The trend and the articles that you read can be extreme. However, it is a good virtue to respect and understand that everyone has different life experiences.
    The way you talk about these articles and parents is also extreme. Using a labeling vocabulary of “narcissistic” clearly shows a state of criticism and judgement. God is the only one who can judge and not us. He is also the only one who can label us and not us.
    Being critical to other people’s thinking can only push them to go toward the way that you don’t want to see. Being graceful and forgiving are th only way that you can change the world.

  134. The articles that you are referring to are called satire. I’m wondering if you’ve heard of satire before? No one wants hold anyone’s head under water for merely saying, “enjoy it, it goes so fast”. Parenting is hard! There are deep dark moments I’m sure you’ve had, where you’ve thought, “what have I gotten myself into?” Or ” this is more than I feel like I can handle at this moment.” I think its irresponsible for you to say that parenting is blue birds and bunnies all the time, because it’s not. It’s OK to want or need a break when you feel like you need one.

  135. I love this article. It really touched me. I have to admit sometimes I’m guilty of being a narcissistic parent, i.e. when a show I watch comes on after I have waited 6 mths for a new season to come on, I tell my kids to go to their rooms and play or something. My children at home are 8 and 9 (a boy and a girl) their teachers have wanted to put them on meds but my husband and I are insistent that it is something we do not agree with because I don’t want them to be little zombies and lose their personalities. They are truly great children. I really loved this article, I found it on pinterest and now I will be following ur blog. U are an inspiration Thanks

  136. I get told I have my child to much. And she needs to learn to be away from me. Sorry I like my kid and wanna enjoy her while she likes me. She’s 2, and when I’m gone for drill weekends or my training weeks that’s more than enough time away.

  137. OMG!!! This article is soooo true!!! It made me tear up. I cannot believe the attitudes some people have toward parenting. Could you give the name of the article you were talking about that you read?

  138. I agree, and from my point of view,my kids are little mirrors that reflect,the good bad and ugly of myself..I think that we live in the nation of bigger is better more more more..and our society, has us fooled that we should be led around by greed..no one has that spirituality, back in the day everyone had to go to church on sunday..sunday was rest day, the outer world has changed so negitively and we buy it? No wonder everyone sees a doctor for medication? And our children see only truth, so they REACT when something isnt right? And we teach them to TURN THAT FEELING OFF? No wonder they need medication to focus..Ive done extensive work on myself, therapy, counseling, rehab, church, meetings, JUST TO GET TO THE CONCLUSION, that I was taught to repress my feelings and now I have to relearn what life is really about?? Constant work on myself when I do see something going on with my kids you bet I look at ME!! I reach out for people advice, and make a change..Love is an action word!! Progress not perfection!! Im certainly not perfect, but I try my hardest to keep myself on the beam..because my kids lives depend fully upon it..

  139. A breath of fresh air! Thank you for the reminder of how precious they are. You truly nailed it! This common attitude towards children is nauseating and I admit to needing the uplifting to see the truth of the gift our children are. After a divorce and becoming a working mom after 18 years home with them but in a horrible marriage, I want nothing more then to be home with them now that my head and heart are healing.

  140. You don’t even know how grateful I am to of read this! This opened my eyes so much! I am being so selfish as a parent and by reading your article I am realizing there is lots of changes I need to make! Sure it’s hard to read the facts but when you have a willing heart you know these things are true you swallow your pride and try to make changes for the sake of your kids! Again thanks for the kick in the pants :)

  141. I couldn’t agree with you more! every MOMENT is such a treasured one with our kids. it amazes me how so many parents take their children’s health or safety for granted, when in reality, potentially nothing could be the same tomorrow. so thankful for the privilege of being a mom! another thing that disgusts me about the people you are writing about, is the pain those comments cause to those who cannot have children…the ones who desperately wish they had a child interrupting their favorite show, or who needed them during the night because of a bad dream! I also never understand how moms (and dads) wish their kids’ childhoods away…”ugh, I can’t wait until she’s in school, out of this stage, til he’s 18….” the list goes on and on. they are only little for SUCH A SHORT TIME >*tears*< like you said, I'm choosing to enjoy the NOW- even potty training!

  142. My son has autism. He had a meltdown in the grocery store tonight. To any onlooker his meltdown would have been viewed as a tantrum. And I would have been deemed a bad parent. My point is that everyone needs a break every once in awhile. This doesn’t make someone a bad parent. Also I believe other parents need to stop judging, which is what you’re kind of doing here. I have no idea what the lady behind me in the check out lane at the grocery store is dealing with, just as she has no idea what I’m dealing with. Our parents had “me” time just like all of us do. Our children are growing up in a completely different environment than what any of us grew up in and that makes a huge impact.

  143. Thank you for having the courage to write this post despite the negative comments you would get! I totally agree with you and love being a mommy as well! In response to some of your other comments, our thoughts are what matters most because they will become our actions. The other post is just a time bomb of abuse. Regardless of how we feel at times we as Christians are commanded to bring our thoughts in subjection to Christ.

  144. i really appreciated this article because I think that so many of us (myself included) are wondering why our kids are so crazy, yet we’re not intentional in our parenting. Because you have been intentional in your parenting, you have all those sweet experiences to share. However, I also think it’s harder for some personalities than others to naturally want to find that joy in parenting, and the world doesn’t help. So I guess I’m just saying that some people have not been raised to nurture and so they have a harder time accepting that that is what parenting is about. But you have spoken truth here for sure! Thank you.

  145. THANK YOU! This is what I needed to hear. I am a Christian and I have never wanted anything more out of life than motherhood. And I work at it. I work hard but I feel like the pleasure in it can be missed so easily. We never really arrive and therefor I can always do a better job. this article points out a few ways I can do a better job in my heart?

  146. I think your article needs to take history and some facts into consideration. First my kids are grown with children second we are currently in a difficult transition (turn of century +) last turn kids and women were working in factories…Now it’s not legal for kids to work. Mother’s sometimes work 3 jobs to make ends meet. You are blessed, not all people have the same blessings. Mom didn’t work buy left an abusive man. She said children need their mother. She had girls, maybe if she had boys she would have worked. Boys need to see that and so do girls cuz now adays no man will support a family alone unless he comes from money. Most people don’t have your life and find it hard to see that they can’t have it all…I was told as a young teen I could. You can’t be a working mother and do well with the kids without giving up something. Do some research and volunteer in the city where it is way more than expected for most folks. Walk in their moccasins before you say a word.
    Glad you have your blessings.

  147. Christina Spicuzza

    Thank you. Thank you. I will be honest and admit to you and to God that I have been slipping into the trap of not giving my kids enough of me and then wondering why they misbehave. I have 3 small kids ages 4, 3, and 15 months. I am beyond exhausted. It’s been 4.5 years since I’ve gotten more than 5 hours of sleep in a 24 hour period. I am unequally yoked. (My husband is not a believer). My house is a mess. I spent my most recent pregnancy very ill and still haven’t caught up with everything that got put aside while I was on bedrest.
    I’m overwhelmed. I feel so lost most days it’s hard to know what to focus on… Cleaning the house? Getting rid of all the stuff that’s accumulated but so not needed… Or spending time playing with my kids. I don’t feel good enough. I feel like no matter how much I do that its just not enough. My kids adore me. They don’t want to be away from me for even 5 minutes…thank you for reminding me why I love being a mom and where I should be focused. And I don’t want to wake up one day and my kids are grown and I can’t go back and fix it. You’re right they are blessings. I thank God a million times a day for them. I wouldn’t know what to do without them!
    I think the loneliness is what makes me struggle. I don’t have any friends. I mean like really. Once I had kids and put them first every one vanished. (Yes even the other mommies & not because they’re busy with their kids too, but because they got mad that I wouldn’t “go out” with them and wanted to do kid friendly stuff instead). I’m so happy to see that I’m not alone. Maybe one day I’ll even find a mom like me where I live!!!
    Sorry I just rambles on and on… I don’t want to proof read what k just typed cause k might lose the guts to be honest then… Thank you for a much needed post and I am sharing everywhere!!!!

  148. I agree we should cherish the time we have with our children. They are precious moments and you create a bond with your child that makes he/she a emotionally happy individual. But I disgree that parents should feel bad about doing things for themselves. The future trend that parents are having hobbies and activities outside of caring for their children is a postive one. We as moms need to realize the struggles of being a good mother and that every mother and father needs some time to themselves.

  149. I applaud you for writing your article. You make several very truthful points.

    It is true that previous generations seem to have a better handle on raising their children, however; we live in very different times than they did back then. Our lives are full of technology that adds stress and robs us of our time. The majority of our food is pure junk that ruins our health and messes with our brain chemicals. We are working more and more hours and still are not able to make ends meet. I could go on and on, but the point is we cannot compare our generation to previous generations as far as raising our children. We are facing different challenges, and more stress.
    Yes, the selfishness of this generation is unprecedented in time. Don’t you think that maybe we need a balance? If taking a little time to regroup mentally and help deal with the stress makes us better parents, then that is definitely what we need to do. Then we can be there with our children, physically, emotionally, and mentally.

  150. It’s been a couple years since you wrote this, but it’s great timing for me today and very encouraging. I’m 29, a first-time mom of a 7-month-old and he has made me face my selfishness in ways I would never have anticipated. I try to be very truthful about my struggles and not sugarcoat them with shallow positivity, but the equal truth is that God redeems it all so powerfully and graciously if I keep pointing my struggling self to him in prayer. I am amazed that I am alive today because my parents got up in the night with me and changed my diapers and chased after me and paid attention to me everyday, as though I were an important human being. It’s profound to realize how vulnerable my little one is to my selfishness, and God is the only anchor for my character. Your examples of your kids loving on you are so hopeful for me as well; thank you!

  151. I respectfully disagree with your article. Not all of us who are struggling are narcissistic. Some of us just have more to deal with. Maybe some of us have special needs kids that take so much more to parent. Maybe they are single parents who are overburdened. I also disagree that medicating a child is lazy parenting. Some kids have serious medical issues that no amount of hugs or time out will cure. Making that choice is hard enough without facing ridicule and judgment by other parents who don’t know your struggles. I am happy for you that your parenting experience has been positive, but please have some compassion for those of us who try our best and still don’t have that same experience.

  152. Oh sweet sister! I am so glad someone finally said this “out loud.” I have thought this for years. It simply breaks my heart to have kids grow up thinking that are just a bother or to see a mama and her kiddo go through the grocery store silently only ever interacting if they do something wrong. They completely miss out on the joy they bring to each other. Bless you for being bold! Keep speaking truth.

  153. Wow… I have read a lot of printing articles and you are right about the common message. If we are not careful we will let an imbalance take place of making our “me” time our vice and our god. This article really was envigorating. I have a blog and gave up on it because of ridicule and mean people. I admire you for speaking what you believe. No one will agree 100% with you, but keep on with it regardless of the critics. Parents need to hear this message a lot more!! These children are the future!

  154. I think this is the first comment I’ve ever written on a blog. (Besides saying why I wanted to win a Lowes gift card lol). I have three kids under 6 and I just want to applaud you for this. I grow weary of everyone wishing these blessed moments away. I admit, there are moments nearly every day when I lose my patient tone, but the are truly treasures and how we parent them now will determine the quality of their lives and the quality of our family dynamic in the future. I love how you wrote all the special things your kids do… What can replace that!? Personally, when I think ahead of being an empty nester, it’s a depressing thought and I’ll want my kids to want to come home and visit OFTEN! So I’m investing in those relationships now! Apparently it’ll be here before we know it! God bless!

  155. Dear Alison,
    Your reply is for an article I don’t know of.. But the points you have brought up are so true! Yes, as the others say.. There is an in between..
    But as my mother says.. If you choose to be a parent.. That is always going to be your 1st priority of your life!
    And you better do your job well.. Coz this world will need lots of good people.. Which is in the hands of today’s parents..
    Fatema..

  156. This is such a good read. I feel the same way yes my life is busy and I’m tired a lot of the time. My house is definitely not as clean as it was before I had my children. But I wouldn’t trade it for anything you should write more articles like this. my children are 19, 15, 14, 10, 8 and two months. Everyday I wish I could go back with my 19 and start all over just to relive all those special days with her, she left three months ago to join the US Air Force. They really do grow up faster than you know. Like you my husband and children are my best friends and if I do get out of the house all by myself I feel lonely too! I’m glad to know I’m not the only one who feels like that .

  157. Alison, thanks for the read. I don’t believe that I am a narcissistic parent, but a sometimes lazy parent. I too have 6 kids, the little ones are 4, 3 & 2. The 4-year-I’d is starting to speak like her older siblings, who lack the amount of love and respect we try to adhere to (this is a bit more difficult to monitor in our older 2 girls, as they are with their mom 60% of the time and who doesn’t discipline them at all). My husband said yesterday that our problem was that while we expect them to speak with respect and love, we ACCEPT less than that. Telling them and talking to them hasn’t worked, so we need to change our parenting to change this behavior. Fortunately, we are both aware that this is our problem, not theirs. I get frustrated and overwhelmed sometimes, but I love being a mom, I love these years when they are small and treasure them. And I know that I have work to do. Thanks for this article. I have a renewed focus on where I need to put my energy before I have complete anarchy in my house!

  158. I completely agree with everything you said! When you suck up the challenges of parenthood and cherish your children they thrive and return the love to you. Although, I thought this article was going to be about narcissism the personality disorder. It has a whole slew of behavior problems in addition to self-centeredness.

  159. I liked this article a lot, sheds light on the positive. I don’t get why it is my fault if my daughter has a tantrum in the grocery store? Enlighten me…no snark, I am asking for seriously.

  160. I really needed this read. I am not a Christian but I really needed it. My mother was very distant when I was little and I promised I would never do that to my daughter. Thank you.

  161. This is a beautiful article. You are right on. Kids are not a burden in the least. Of course they require work, nothing worthwhile ever comes free. Unless we choose to view our work with them as such. I write a weekly column for our local newspaper on homemaking, recipes, crafts, kids etc. I genuinely hope that people feel that way that I felt after reading this article. That was encouraging, and a great reminder to find joy in all that I do as a mother. Thank you so much.

  162. I do not feel this article was uplifting or helpful at all! I think it is rude to call parents narrsasitic… What is narrsasitic is abortion or giving up your child for adoption…. But most moms are trying their best and being a parent is the most difficult thing I have ever done! No one is perfect and no child and parent are a like…. Most parents are doing there best to raise their child to the best of their ability… Sure all parents can use some work but going around calling them narsasistic is not the way to help them!

  163. Thanks for your thoughts! I’ve been a parent over 26 years now, and am amazed how the world has changed since my first children were babies. My youngest of 6 is 10 now, and I am finding such joy in parentin daily. Was it always like this? No! I cried more than the kids ever did! It is a true gift to realize that “God gave us families, to help us become what he wants us to be”. Was it hard? Yes! Was it worth it? Yes! Yes! Yes!

  164. Deborah Cariker

    Spot-on, sister!! Your post is encouraging and timely and, I believe, straight from the heart of a Father God. Thank you! We have just our caboose at home, and he is a multi-special needs’ adopted handful, but he gives the best hugs, has already surpassed what docs and therapists said he’d be able to do, gave his heart to Jesus, and was baptized this past summer. Raising him and his bio brothers (we adopted three very hurt little boys) has been beyond stressful, but we walk out our calling as their parents with prayer and perseverance. Today — New Year’s Eve — has been extremely difficult, and I feel fried, but then the Lord led me to your post and used your words to encourage my heart. Bless you!

  165. Love your honesty and loving directness. This is a message that so many parents need to hear. I am an educator and feel such a heavy burden for my students because they just want the adults in their lives to notice them, love them, guide them and spend quality time with them. Well said!

  166. Thank you for your post! I enjoy my 3 boys the same way you enjoy yours, and given that I work full time I have days when I would just stay in bed the whole day but with them.

  167. I know this is an old article, but thank you for writing it. My husband and I have decided that I should stay home with our son, and with the exception of our anniversary (and a few hours for birthdays) our 7mo son stays with us. So often we are accused of terrible parenting because we enjoy spending time with him and prefer to keep our FAMILY together. We’re told that we’re causing him to be too dependant on us, and that there’s somehow something wrong with us if we don’t paw him off on the first available caregiver, and go on living our lives as if we’d never had a child at all. We didn’t start a family to have our children raised by someone else, and we didn’t have children just so we could plot to get away from them. I firmly believe that being happy is a mindset, and you’ll never be happy as a parent until you start looking at your children as a blessing of joy instead of a burden to be avoided.

  168. I LOVE this article! There are too many narcissists in our society but I think you really hit the nail on the head when you wrote about the perception that parents are good and kids are bad. You are so right that parents need to do more when their kids have a problem and not just whine about how hard it is. Kids are so loving and pure. They are a joy! Yes, they make you grow but it’s worth it

  169. Wow. Thank you so much! I needed to read this article as I am guilty. I can’t help but to tear up. They need us! We can’t expect the world to change or be more Godly if we don’t teach our children to act as such! They are the future. Again, thank you!
    We all need a “slap to the face” to make us realize what we are doing wrong! (:

  170. I am with you 100%. As a working mom, I CHERISH every moment with my 5yr old – even when she’s being difficult. I do not understand any other point of view and generally do not follow those writers as they drag me down. Personally, I thank God that his Love is greater than our failings and I pray that our children will be broken from the bondage of the hurts we unintentionally inflict upon them.

  171. I would add that the training of the children is what is so needed. Her child didn’t magically know how to iron, get kids aren’t accidentally generous and thoughtful. They is all taught. Actively taught. Train and teach to be able to enjoy and be blessed!

  172. Dear Allison, I read your blog and I think it is spot on. I’m not Christian, I am a Muslim and I’m from the Netherlands, but the exact same problem is going on in our communities. I’m almost your age and wish to become a mom one day and that I’ll raise my kids not to the standards of these days but my moms standards.
    I wish you all the best and may God bless you and your family.

  173. Every parent needs to read this article! I am a new mom with two boys ages 2 and 7 months and I can completely relate to wanting “me” time. I like other new parents are used to only worrying about themselves or their spouse.

    I think when kids come along we expect our me time to still be there and we don’t realize how much attention our kids need and desire from us. One day when we are old and alone and wishing for someone to visit us, will the child whose parent had no time for them, lovingly give their time with their parents?

    Thank you for writing this article! It’s a helpful reminder of what type of parent I want to be.

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