How to Help the “Out of Control” Kid

Need Help with Your Difficult Child?

Kids seem out of control these days, don’t they?

Let’s be honest and open about this.

Children who are defiant, disobedient, loud and stubborn are becoming “the norm”.

Honestly. I fear what the next generation of doctors and teachers will look like.

Kids seem out of control these days, don't they? Parents mean well, but they're being given conflicting and confusing advice! Find out some REAL answers that work to help you tame your out of control kid! Because your child and your family deserve to read the truth! #parentingtips #Christianfamily #Parenting #mommyblog #raisingkids #familyfirst #raisetheright #teachingkids #parentingtruth #helpformoms #outofcontrolkid

You might be surprised when I write this, but I think many moms are truly trying their best to control their kids.

But maybe, and quite possibly, they are being given misinformation in the area of parenting.

We talk about some common, popular parenting advice that could be causing your child’s misbehavior here. You definitely want to dig into that article if you’ve been searching for answers to your child’s behavior issues!

And because moms care so much about helping their child, they choose to believe those parenting tips.

How Can Parents Control Their Out of Control Kids?

I don’t claim to have all the answers to this parenting thing.

But, I can honestly say that my kids are under control.

And that is one of the greatest blessings in my life!

how to tame the out of control kid

However, I can’t take all the credit for that!

Years ago I stumbled upon what I believe is the secret sauce of parenting. Ok, I didn’t stumble, I prayed and begged God to give me some answers.

And he did.

Just like He promised to give wisdom to all who ask HIM for it!

He sent parenting wisdom through a mom who had successfully raised five human beings who were living proof that there was indeed a secret sauce to parenting.

I share that secret sauce here.

I won’t keep that a secret!

help the out of control kid

I am not the perfect mom, nor will I ever be, but I have found a few secrets that really work.

Four crucial ones to be exact.

Thought there are oodles and oodles of parent tidbits about varying seasons and circumstances for parenting precious people!

But for time’s sake, we’re focusing on the four most crucial ones every parent should read, know, believe and act upon!

They have worked with all of my six kids and when I talk to “moms of good kids” they focus on these four secrets too.

Why Are Some Kids Out of Control?

I cannot tell you how many emails, comments and messages I have received from moms who feel like they have lost all control with their children.

Many of them sound hopeless…

Many of them are writing me in tears…

Hoping, grasping and praying for wised.

They need help and they need it now.

I write this post for those dear moms.

I hope and pray that at least a handful of moms will find help, guidance and truth in this simple parenting article.

Secrets to Taming the Out of Control Child

If there is one bit of pertinent advice I can leave you readers about raising a child who is obedient, calm and kind, it would be these four words: consistency, discipline, love and time.

Without those four aspects in child-rearing, your home is doomed for an out-of-control kid.

Your child needs all four of these in his life to have a happy and healthy childhood.

The parenting trend these days of ignoring negative behavior or offering distractions will not solve behavioral issues; but discipline, consistency, time and love will.

how to deal with an out of control child

In the super-sensitive area of disciplining your child, I will not tell you which modes to choose.

That is between you and your spouse.

But, I will tell you this as information to chew on — we use various modes of discipline for our kids, as each child is different and so is each infraction.

You can read some creative consequences here that I highly recommend!

I will not correct my child who has lied to me in the same manner as a child who failed to complete a chore.

My husband and I strongly believe in making the punishment fit the crime.

Wouldn’t it be silly to sentence a person convicted of littering to life in prison?

The same concept applies to confronting ill behavior in children.

Once you decide which modes of discipline your family will use for each kind of misbehavior, then you must take the next, most important step: always follow through.

I have had many exhausted moms look me in the eye and say, “I have tried everything with this child! He is just too strong-willed. We have done time-out and even spanked. Nothing works!”

However, as we are talking, her child may hit my son and nothing is done.

Normally the mom responds by rolling her eyes while she blurts out, “See what I mean? I deal with this all the time!”

But the truth is, she’s not dealing with it.

And when a mom is to the point of exhaustion, frustration and even anger, it’s incredibly tough to share that observation with her.

Maybe she’s so incredibly discouraged she doesn’t even notice that her tone of voice is aggravated.

Maybe she doesn’t see that her body language is sending “I’m fed up with this!” signals to her “out of control kid.”

Others may see it, but the sleepless nights and seemingly endless “battles” with her child have depleted her.

But maybe we can reach out to her with some real answers.

Because her child should not be labeled “out of control.”

There’s always, always hope for a child to become one of the “good kids.”

But taming an “out of control” kid doesn’t happen overnight.

It takes guidance, love, time, consistency, prayer, intention…

It takes facing the truth and being willing to follow parenting truth that works.

Remember the saying, “the proof is in the pudding?”

How do you know the truth between parenting lies and actually parenting truth?

By looking at the results.

Plenty of commercials promise you “netter teeth, prettier hair, better burgers, better shopping experiences” etc.

But if you see customers using their products and they don’t have “better teeth, prettier hair” etc.?

Then you know something doesn’t add up.

Though I know some “out of control” kids, I also know some well-behaved kids that obey almost every single time their parents give them instructions.

With a smile too! <3

Love meeting those kids!

I remember observing one mom in particular who was nine months pregnant.

During her own baby shower, she stopped joining in the festivities and walked upstairs to address her daughter’s negative behavior.

I hated to know the mom was being inconvenienced at such a special celebration, but I knew that she would be rewarded in time to come.

She chose addressing her child’s misbehavior over convenience.

And today? Almost 12 years later?

She has remarkable kids.

They’re no doubt the result of her consistent love and guidanceg!

What are the Answers to Tame an Out of Control Kid

I have been pregnant 10 times.

Yeah, I know, it’s a lot.

I understand and know what it is like to be exhausted and have a toddler throw a tantrum.

You want to just close your eyes and wish it away — but that only makes matters worse.

I have had to stop in the middle of nursing a newborn and confront a toddler who was screaming because he wanted something -—- now!

When a young child misbehaves, he needs his parent to address his negative behavior immediately.

Ignoring and distracting will not let him know he is out of control.

It will only encourage him to continue to misbehave.

And, many times, your child will act out of control in the most inopportune times.

You may be in the store, at a doctor’s office, breast-feeding a newborn or changing a diaper.

Kids aren’t ignorant.

They know the perfect time to push your buttons and test the limits.

But, in order to see positive progress and to tame your out of control child, you have to stop and address negative behavior right away -—- every. single. time.

In the beginning of helping your out-of-control kid control his anger and frustrations, it will be constant correcting and guiding.

It will demand huge chunks of your time, dedication and sacrifice.

it will require mountains of patience and oceans of love.

But after committing to consistent dedication to training your child, you will see a huge difference.

You will be able to tame your “out of control” child.

Shopping, church, family get-togethers and your own personal home-life will be more peaceful if you stick with it — all the time…every time.

But, with consistency and discipline, don’t forget about the most important secret to gaining control of your child.

Love.

No yelling, no screaming, no cursing, no gritted teeth.

If you’ve developed the hurtful habit of yelling, we offer some help here. <3

Pure, sacrificial, attentive love.

The kind of love that will give everything for someone else’s well-being.

Without it, your child will only see rules and regulations.

But if you balance cultivating positive behavior in your child with loads of unreserved love and affection, you will reap a kind, sweet, obedient child who will become much more than just a son or daughter.

They may even become your close friend.

Psst!

You want to know something else?

Kids of all ages need to know you truly love and care for them — even teens!

On especially difficult days, I make sure I put my arm around my teenager son and let him know I appreciate how he helps out around the house.

He is always visibly appreciative for the encouragement and affection.

And you know what love, discipline and consistency all take?

Time.

Make sure you are giving them one-on-one, quantity time of love and affection.

They need your time to address their misbehavior, praise their good moments and simply show them you care about them — to the moon and back!

What are your secrets to keeping your child under control?

Let’s chat on social media!

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12 thoughts on “How to Help the “Out of Control” Kid”

  1. This is excellent! I totally get what you’re saying. We’ve been ‘off’ on so many levels and certainly inconsistent. I DO NOT want to be the screaming mom. I hate that! :'(
    My question is though, how do you know what punishments fit the crime? We use spanking and time-outs/corner time mostly, but that doesn’t affect each kid the same way. Help?

    1. Hi Amber!

      Thanks for taking time to comment.
      That decision is really up to you and your hubby. We consider hitting, disrespect and tantrums worse infractions and use the mode of discipline we believe to be most effective in those situations. Seek God and His word for guidance. I found a lot of wisdom on disciplining children from the book of Proverbs. I would not listen to modern-day parenting advice that tells you to try to “shame” kids into obeying. I would stick to the more old-school methods and Biblical discipline. There’s a reason kids were more respectful when people still respected the Bible. Hope that helps!

  2. The terms you use to speak about children is so degrading to them, talking about “training” them, and saying that they need “correction” and “discipline” on a daily basis. All of these words have negative connotations and paint a negative view of children that they are some how wild and need us to tame them. Children are simply little people who are still learning the how to behave correctly the best way to teach them this is by showing them respect and understanding not punishment for mistakes

    1. Hi Samantha!

      Thanks for stopping by. I understand why you may think that the terms “training” and “correction” may be considered negative connotations in today’s society. However, training is a word that is used in the Bible. The same Bible that teaches us children are an heritage of the Lord. I consider my children a joy, and consider them to way above animals. If you would like to take the time to look around and read other posts, I am sure you will get that impression. Children need direction and if their misbehavior is not corrected at an early age, they will continue to express undesirable traits and soon become an adult that loses his temper, abuses others and has no respect for authority. It is highly dangerous not to train your child.

  3. It still doesn’t help me with my 2 year old daughter. We’re being VERY consistent, She is corrected if she hits, she tries to pinch cheeks together to kiss and we tell her not to pinch while taking her hands together, as we’re trying to potty train her, kicks us as we try to change her. This leads to a slap on the hand after several tries of saying No! Or us holding her legs down so she won’t hurt us. I’ve been a Christian for very short time and have nobody to direct me.

    1. I also thought I should say that we hug when she’s upset and she DOES come for a hug most times. She is a very loving and sweet girl but her tantrums are just over the top. I feel like an awful mother but there is nobody to guide me in a Christian way to share tools of discipline. I was abused as a child so I know the difference between abuse and gentle discipline. We just end up waiting out the screaming. Taps on the hand are at points when she’ll either hurt us or herself.

      1. Rebekah,
        In our house we discipline/train our children by looking at their heart motives. For example, accidently spilling a drink at dinner is much different than dumping brothers blocks because ‘he won’t share.’ While the consequence for both will including cleaning up, the training is different. One will include instruction on what we do when we make a mistake–fix it and try again, but the other will include restitution/repayment because the heart motivation was selfish and it hurt someone.

        1. I would encourage you to find your child’s heart motivation. I’ve noticed that tantrums are generally a way for our children to either get attention/control a situation. We don’t tolerate tantrums. We calmly tell our child, “get control” and then leave them in a safe but boring place (pack-n-play, on their bed)to get control of their emotions. Once that happens, we return for training and to continue whatever task we were working on. This eliminates a lot of power struggles.

      2. I am fixing to say what no parent wants to hear. Have you child evaluated as soon as possible. Our son was diagnosed at 7 with Aspergers. He was just like that at 2. He would harm us or himself during a tantrum. His tantrums were beyond the norm. Just telling you this because no amount of discipline can fix it. And I know people thought we were bad parents who didn’t know how to deal with our kid. Please, if it seem out of the norm seek help!

  4. Love!! I have a child with what doctors have called a mood disorder and I have a child that just tries from time to time press buttons. I love the way you put this, very straight forward. Balance, consistency and lots of love. Thank you!

  5. I have a four year old that hits all the time I have tried time out and spanking him nothing has helped he has been this way for some time. Help me please.

  6. I love this! I really like your style of parenting and I agree that it’s key to having respectful kids. But I would be so grateful if you could share some ways you discipline in certain situations. I’m having a really hard time coming up with ideas

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