Have you ever heard of parents that teach their kids to save their first kiss for their wedding day? Yep, we are THAT family. Before you run away, hear me out. I have my reasons for this, and you may want to give them a few minutes of your time. After all, you’ll have to face the kissing, dating and courting issue as a parent sooner than later in your parenting journey.
In my parent’s home there were no rules against dating and kissing. Once I turned 16 I was allowed to date and had an 11:00 p.m. curfew. In fact, many times I remember my family asking me as I returned home from a date, “So…did you kiss?”
My mother taught me some specifics and always warned me about intimacy outside of marriage — it was simply out of the question. But, kissing? That was OK as long as you didn’t take it too far.
My husband was raised with a similar parenting style, except even more lenient.
However, my views on physical relationships before marriage changed when I met one special guy. This guy loved God and sought to follow him supremely. It was so evident. I admired his testimony and walk with God from afar. After a super-sweet love story bloomed, we officially entered “boyfriend/girlfriend” status.
I was honored to be “his girl.” He taught me so many things, through his life and through his words — even though he had been a Christian for a short period of time. But, you know what? One day he said the weirdest thing on earth. Brace yourself, it’s super-weird.
“Alison, I believe God does not want us to kiss until we are married.” Huh? I was shocked.
I had never heard of such a thing. When I told my friends, they were doubly shocked…especially since the guidelines were coming from a teenage guy.
Why would my boyfriend, who soon became my husband, say such a thing? Because he desired to flee fornication. He desired to run away from temptation to sin. He was a super-wise guy because he was simply following what I Corinthians 6:18 taught: “Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body; but he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body.”
And you know what? That just made me love him more. To know that this guy was setting standards for our relationship higher than most because he wanted to keep his heart pure before God was beyond impressive. By the way, he’s still that way today. He takes the high road, and our family has benefited much from his integrity.
Did you know there is another passage in the Bible that says it is a “good thing for a man not to touch a woman.” Check it out in I Corinthians 7:1. So, choosing not to kiss before marriage isn’t weird, backward or strange…it is a “good thing.”
I remember family members teasing us about our relationship standards. One of them looked at me and said, “How are you going to know he’s a good kisser unless you kiss him before you get married?” If you choose safe standards, you are bound to hear backlash and criticism from friends and relatives, but you have to remember that your decision is a “good thing.”
My husband and I have been married for almost 14 years and I cannot tell you how thankful I am that we were both pure when we said “I do.” We did not have to bring baggage into our marriage because we chose to be careful in our dating relationship and save our kisses and intimacy for marriage.
Now that we have children of our own, we are teaching them that same principle. We want them to enjoy healthy relationships that focus on drawing closer together emotionally and spiritually before they enjoy the physical part of their relationship that is reserved only for marriage.
Though kissing someone is not in itself intimacy, it is a small piece of the intimacy puzzle. It’s like an appetizer to your seven course meal — you have to start somewhere, and kissing is a good place to start. When the Bible says, “flee fornication” we should listen and take heed. God also tells us to “Flee youthful lusts.” That’s a good one to think about too!
Choosing to engage in kissing is not fleeing or running away — it’s inching closer and closer to the boundary line.
Consider setting boundaries for your children when they begin their courting/dating relationships. Sure, it may not be the popular route, but it’s the safe route that will enable them to give a pure, untarnished gift to their spouse one day and enjoy intimacy in God’s perfect way — marriage.
By the way, if you are already married, keep kissing and don’t stop! Stay attached at the lips — wink, wink!
What are your thoughts on kissing before marriage? Have you ever considered this side of the issue? Let me know in the comments! I am always open to discussion!